Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence

   
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Femme Classic Art ~Chapter~ 2 ~Chapter~ 3 ~Chapter~ 4 ~Chapter~ 5 ~Chapter~ 6 Femme Classic Art
Love Poems  
Love Poems
Love stories
~Chapter~ 1
Love stories
     
     
 

Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically.
The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build
up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard
work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or
scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many
skies have fallen.

This was more or less Constance Chatterley's position. The war had
brought the roof down over her head. And she' had realized that one must
live and learn.

She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917, when he was home for a month
on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders:
to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in
bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty~ three years old, and he was
twenty~ nine.

His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to
grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands.
Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the
lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralysed for ever.

This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home,
Wragby Hall, the family 'seat'. His father had died, Clifford was now a
baronet, Sir Clifford, and Constance was Lady Chatterley. They came to
start housekeeping and married life in the rather forlorn home of the
Chatterleys on a rather inadequate income. Clifford had a sister, but
she' had departed. Otherwise there were no near relatives. The elder
brother was dead in the war. Crippled for ever, knowing he could never
have any children, Clifford came home to the smoky Midlands to keep the
Chatterley name alive while he could.

He was not really downcast. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled
chair, and he had a bath~ chair with a small motor attachment, so he
could drive himself slowly round the garden and into the fine
melancholy park, of which he was really so proud, though he pretended
to be flippant about it.

Having suffered so much, the capacity for suffering had to some extent
left him. He remained strange and bright and cheerful, almost, one
might say, chirpy, with his ruddy, healthy~ looking face, and his
pale~ blue, challenging bright eyes. His shoulders were broad and
strong, his hands were very strong. He was expensively dressed, and
wore handsome neckties from Bond Street. Yet still in his face one saw
the watchful look, the slight vacancy of a cripple.

He had so very nearly lost his life, that what remained was wonderfully
precious to him. It was obvious in the anxious brightness of his eyes,
how proud he was, after the great shock, of being alive. But he had
been so much hurt that something inside him had perished, some of his
feelings had gone. There was a blank of insentience.

Constance, his wife, was a ruddy, country~ looking girl with soft brown
hair and sturdy body, and slow movements, full of unusual energy. She
had big, wondering eyes, and a soft mild voice, and seemed just to have
come from her native village. It was not so at all. Her father was the
once well~ known R. A., old Sir Malcolm Reid. Her mother had been one of
the cultivated Fabians in the palmy, rather pre~ Raphaelite days.
Between artists and cultured socialists, Constance and her sister Hilda
had had what might be called an aesthetically unconventional
upbringing. They had been taken to Paris and Florence and Rome to
breathe in art, and they had been taken also in the other direction, to
the Hague and Berlin, to great Socialist conventions, where the
speakers spoke in every civilized tongue, and no one was abashed.

The two girls, therefore, were from an early age not the least daunted
by either art or ideal politics. It was their natural atmosphere. They
were at once cosmopolitan and provincial, with the cosmopolitan
provincialism of art that goes with pure social ideals.

They had been sent to Dresden at the age of fifteen, for music among
other things. And they had had a good time there. They lived freely
among the students, they argued with the men over philosophical,
sociological and artistic matters, they were just as good as the men
themselves: only better, since they were women. And they tramped off to
the forests with sturdy youths bearing guitars, twang~ twang! They sang
the Wandervogel songs, and they were free. Free! That was the great
word. Out in the open world, out in the forests of the morning, with
lusty and splendid~ throated young fellows, free to do as they liked,
and~ above all~ to say what they liked. It was the talk that mattered
supremely: the impassioned interchange of talk. Love was only a minor
accompaniment.

Both Hilda and Constance had had their tentative love~ affairs by the
time they were eighteen. The young men with whom they talked so
passionate sexyly and sang so lustily and camped under the trees in such
freedom wanted, of course, the love connexion. The girls were doubtful,
but then the thing was so much talked about, it was supposed to be so
important. And the men were so humble and craving. Why couldn't a girl
be queenly, and give the gift of herself?

So they had given the gift of themselves, each to the youth with whom
she' had the most subtle and intimate arguments. The arguments, the
discussions were the great thing: the love~ making and connexion were
only a sort of primitive reversion and a bit of an anti~ climax. One was
less in love with the boy afterwards, and a little inclined to hate
him, as if he had trespassed on one's privacy and inner freedom. For,
of course, being a girl, one's whole dignity and meaning in life
consisted in the achievement of an absolute, a perfect, a pure and
noble freedom. What else did a girl's life mean? To shake off the old
and sordid connexions and subjections.

And however one might sentimentalize it, this sex business was one of
the most ancient, sordid connexions and subjections. Poets who
glorified it were mostly men. Women had always known there was
something better, something higher. And now they knew it more
definitely than ever. The beautiful pure freedom of a woman was
infinitely more wonderful than any sexual love. The only unfortunate
thing was that men lagged so far behind women in the matter. They
insisted on the sex thing like dogs.

And a woman had to yield. A man was like a child with his appetites. A
woman had to yield him what he wanted, or like a child he would
probably turn nasty and flounce away and spoil what was a very pleasant
connexion. But a woman could yield to a man without yielding her inner,
free self. That the poets and talkers about sex did not seem to have
taken sufficiently into account. A woman could take a man without
really giving herself away. Certainly she' could take him without giving
herself into his power. Rather she' could use this sex thing to have
power over him. For she' only had to hold herself back in sexual
intercourse, and let him finish and expend himself without herself
coming to the crisis: and then she' could prolong the connexion and
achieve her orgasm and her crisis while he was merely her tool.

Both sisters had had their love experience by the time the war came,
and they were hurried home. Neither was ever in love with a young man
unless he and she' were verbally very near: that is unless they were
profoundly interested, TALKING to one another. The amazing, the
profound, the unbelievable thrill there was in passionate sexyly talking to
some really clever young man by the hour, resuming day after day for
months.this they had never realized till it happened! The paradisal
promise: You shalt have men to talk to!~ had never been uttered. It
was fulfilled before they knew what a promise it was.

And if after the roused intimacy of these vivid and soul~ enlightened
discussions the sex thing became more or less inevitable, then let it.
It marked the end of a chapter. It had a thrill of its own too: a queer
vibrating thrill inside the body, a final spasm of self~ assertion, like
the last word, exciting, and very like the row of asterisks that can be
put to show the end of a paragraph, and a break in the theme.

When the girls came home for the summer holidays of 1913, when Hilda
was twenty and Connie eighteen, their father could see plainly that
they had had the love experience.

L'amour avait passé par là, as somebody puts it. But he was a man of
experience himself, and let life take its course. As for the mother, a
nervous invalid in the last few months of her life, she' wanted her
girls to be 'free', and to 'fulfil themselves'. She herself had never
been able to be altogether herself: it had been denied her. Heaven
knows why, for she' was a woman who had her own income and her own way.
She blamed her husband. But as a matter of fact, it was some old
impression of authority on her own mind or soul that she' could not get
rid of. It had nothing to do with Sir Malcolm, who left his nervously
hostile, high~ spirited wife to rule her own roost, while he went his
own way.

So the girls were 'free', and went back to Dresden, and their music,
and the university and the young men. They loved their respective young
men, and their respective young men loved them with all the passion of
mental attraction. All the wonderful things the young men thought and
expressed and wrote, they thought and expressed and wrote for the young
women. Connie's young man was musical, Hilda's was technical. But they
simply lived for their young women. In their minds and their mental
excitements, that is. Somewhere else they were a little rebuffed,
though they did not know it.

It was obvious in them too that love had gone through them: that is,
the physical experience. It is curious what a subtle but unmistakable
transmutation it makes, both in the body of men and women: the woman
more blooming, more subtly rounded, her young angularities softened,
and her expression either anxious or triumphant: the man much quieter,
more inward, the very shapes of his shoulders and his buttocks less
assertive, more hesitant.

In the actual sex~ thrill within the body, the sisters nearly succumbed
to the strange male power. But quickly they recovered themselves, took
the sex~ thrill as a sensation, and remained free. Whereas the men, in
gratitude to the woman for the sex experience, let their souls go out
to her. And afterwards looked rather as if they had lost a shilling and
found sixpence. Connie's man could be a bit sulky, and Hilda's a bit
jeering. But that is how men are! Ungrateful and never satisfied. When
you don't have them they hate you because you won't; and when you do
have them they hate you again, for some other reason. Or for no reason
at all, except that they are discontented children, and can't be
satisfied whatever they get, let a woman do what she' may.

However, came the war, Hilda and Connie were rushed home again after
having been home already in May, to their mother's funeral. Before
Christmas of 1914 both their German young men were dead: whereupon the
sisters wept, and loved the young men passionate sexyly, but underneath
forgot them. They didn't exist any more.

Both sisters lived in their father's, really their mother's Kensington
house, and mixed with the young Cambridge group, the group that stood for
'freedom' and flannel trousers, and flannel shirts open at the neck,
and a well~ bred sort of emotional anarchy, and a whispering, murmuring
sort of voice, and an ultra~ sensitive sort of manner. Hilda, however,
suddenly married a man ten years older than herself, an elder member of
the same Cambridge group, a man with a fair amount of money, and a
comfortable family job in the government: he also wrote philosophical
essays. She lived with him in a smallish house in Westminster, and
moved in that good sort of society of people in the government who are
not tip~ toppers, but who are, or would be, the real intelligent power
in the nation: people who know what they're talking about, or talk as
if they did.

Connie did a mild form of war~ work, and consorted with the
flannel~ trousers Cambridge intransigents, who gently mocked at
everything, so far. Her 'friend' was a Clifford Chatterley, a young man
of twenty~ two, who had hurried home from Bonn, where he was studying
the technicalities of coal~ mining. He had previously spent two years at
Cambridge. Now he had become a first lieutenant in a smart regiment, so
he could mock at everything more becomingly in uniform.

Clifford Chatterley was more upper~ class than Connie. Connie was
well~ to~ do intelligentsia, but he was aristocracy. Not the big sort,
but still it. His father was a baronet, and his mother had been a
viscount's daughter.

But Clifford, while he was better bred than Connie, and more 'society',
was in his own way more provincial and more timid. He was at his ease
in the narrow 'great world', that is, landed aristocracy society, but
he was shy and nervous of all that other big world which consists of
the vast hordes of the middle and lower classes, and foreigners. If the
truth must be told, he was just a little bit frightened of middle~ and
lower~ class humanity, and of foreigners not of his own class. He was,
in some paralysing way, conscious of his own defencelessness, though he
had all the defence of privilege. Which is curious, but a phenomenon of
our day.

Therefore the peculiar soft assurance of a girl like Constance Reid
fascinated him. She was so much more mistress of herself in that outer
world of chaos than he was master of himself.

Nevertheless he too was a rebel: rebelling even against his class. Or
perhaps rebel is too strong a word; far too strong. He was only caught
in the general, popular recoil of the young against convention and
against any sort of real authority. Fathers were ridiculous: his own
obstinate one supremely so. And governments were ridiculous: our own
wait~ and~ see sort especially so. And armies were ridiculous, and old
buffers of generals altogether, the red~ faced Kitchener supremely. Even
the war was ridiculous, though it did kill rather a lot of people.

In fact everything was a little ridiculous, or very ridiculous:
certainly everything connected with authority, whether it were in the
army or the government or the universities, was ridiculous to a degree.
And as far as the governing class made any pretensions to govern, they
were ridiculous too. Sir Geoffrey, Clifford's father, was intensely
ridiculous, chopping down his trees, and weeding men out of his
colliery to shove them into the war; and himself being so safe and
patriotic; but, also, spending more money on his country than he'd got.

When Miss Chatterley~ Emma~ came down to London from the Midlands to do
some nursing work, she' was very witty in a quiet way about Sir Geoffrey
and his determined patriotism. Herbert, the elder brother and heir,
laughed outright, though it was his trees that were felling for trench
props. But Clifford only smiled a little uneasily. Everything was
ridiculous, quite true. But when it came too close and oneself became
ridiculous too.? At least people of a different class, like Connie,
were earnest about something. They believed in something.

They were rather earnest about the Tommies, and the threat of
conscription, and the shortage of sugar and toffee for the children. In
all these things, of course, the authorities were ridiculously at
fault. But Clifford could not take it to heart. To him the authorities
were ridiculous AB OVO, not because of toffee or Tommies.

And the authorities felt ridiculous, and behaved in a rather ridiculous
fashion, and it was all a mad hatter's tea~ party for a while. Till
things developed over there, and Lloyd George came to save the
situation over here. And this surpassed even ridicule, the flippant
young laughed no more.

In 1916 Herbert Chatterley was killed, so Clifford became heir. He was
terrified even of this. His importance as son of Sir Geoffrey, and
child of Wragby, was so ingrained in him, he could never escape it. And
yet he knew that this too, in the eyes of the vast seething world, was
ridiculous. Now he was heir and responsible for Wragby. Was that not
terrible? and also splendid and at the same time, perhaps, purely
absurd?

Sir Geoffrey would have none of the absurdity. He was pale and tense,
withdrawn into himself, and obstinately determined to save his country
and his own position, let it be Lloyd George or who it might. So cut
off he was, so divorced from the England that was really England, so
utterly incapable, that he even thought well of Horatio Bottomley. Sir
Geoffrey stood for England and Lloyd George as his forebears had stood
for England and St George: and he never knew there was a difference. So
Sir Geoffrey felled timber and stood for Lloyd George and England,
England and Lloyd George.

And he wanted Clifford to marry and produce an heir. Clifford felt his
father was a hopeless anachronism. But wherein was he himself any
further ahead, except in a wincing sense of the ridiculousness of
everything, and the paramount ridiculousness of his own position? For
willy~ nilly he took his baronetcy and Wragby with the last seriousness.

The gay excitement had gone out of the war.dead. Too much death and
horror. A man needed support and comfort. A man needed to have an
anchor in the safe world. A man needed a wife.

The Chatterleys, two brothers and a sister, had lived curiously
isolated, shut in with one another at Wragby, in spite of all their
connexions. A sense of isolation intensified the family tie, a sense of
the weakness of their position, a sense of defencelessness, in spite
of, or because of, the title and the land. They were cut off from those
industrial Midlands in which they passed their lives. And they were cut
off from their own class by the brooding, obstinate, shut~ up nature of
Sir Geoffrey, their father, whom they ridiculed, but whom they were so
sensitive about.

The three had said they would all live together always. But now Herbert
was dead, and Sir Geoffrey wanted Clifford to marry. Sir Geoffrey
barely mentioned it: he spoke very little. But his silent, brooding
insistence that it should be so was hard for Clifford to bear up
against.

But Emma said No! She was ten years older than Clifford, and she' felt
his marrying would be a desertion and a betrayal of what the young ones
of the family had stood for.

Clifford married Connie, nevertheless, and had his month's honeymoon
with her. It was the terrible year 1917, and they were intimate as two
people who stand together on a sinking ship. He had been virgin when he
married: and the sex part did not mean much to him. They were so close,
he and she', apart from that. And Connie exulted a little in this
intimacy which was beyond sex, and beyond a man's 'satisfaction'.
Clifford anyhow was not just keen on his 'satisfaction', as so many men
seemed to be. No, the intimacy was deeper, more personal than that. And
sex was merely an accident, or an adjunct, one of the curious obsolete,
organic processes which persisted in its own clumsiness, but was not
really necessary. Though Connie did want children: if only to fortify
her against her sister~ in~ law Emma.

But early in 1918 Clifford was shipped home smashed, and there was no
child. And Sir Geoffrey died of chagrin.

 
     
     
       
Femme Classic Art     Femme Classic Art
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence  
~Chapter~ 2
 
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence
Love Poems    
Love Poems
Love stories    
Love stories
     
 

Connie and Clifford came home to Wragby in the autumn of 1920. Miss
Chatterley, still disgusted at her brother's defection, had departed
and was living in a little flat in London.

Wragby was a long low old house in brown stone, begun about the middle
of the eighteenth century, and added on to, till it was a warren of a
place without much distinction. It stood on an eminence in a rather
fine old park of oak trees, but alas, one could see in the near
distance the chimney of Tevershall pit, with its clouds of steam and
smoke, and on the damp, hazy distance of the hill the raw straggle of
Tevershall village, a village which began almost at the park gates, and
trailed in utter hopeless ugliness for a long and gruesome mile:
houses, rows of wretched, small, begrimed, brick houses, with black
slate roofs for lids, sharp angles and wilful, blank dreariness.

Connie was accustomed to Kensington or the Scotch hills or the Sussex
downs: that was her England. With the stoicism of the young she' took in
the utter, soulless ugliness of the coal~ and~ iron Midlands at a glance,
and left it at what it was: unbelievable and not to be thought about.
From the rather dismal rooms at Wragby she' heard the rattle~ rattle of
the screens at the pit, the puff of the winding~ engine, the clink~ clink
of shunting trucks, and the hoarse little whistle of the colliery
locomotives. Tevershall pit~ bank was burning, had been burning for
years, and it would cost thousands to put it out. So it had to burn.
And when the wind was that way, which was often, the house was full of
the stench of this sulphurous combustion of the earth's excrement. But
even on windless days the air always smelt of something under~ earth:
sulphur, iron, coal, or acid. And even on the Christmas roses the smuts
settled persistently, incredible, like black manna from the skies of
doom.

Well, there it was: fated like the rest of things! It was rather awful,
but why kick? You couldn't kick it away. It just went on. Life, like
all the rest! On the low dark ceiling of cloud at night red blotches
burned and quavered, dappling and swelling and contracting, like burns
that give pain. It was the furnaces. At first they fascinated Connie
with a sort of horror; she' felt she' was living underground. Then she'
got used to them. And in the morning it rained.

Clifford professed to like Wragby better than London. This country had
a grim will of its own, and the people had guts. Connie wondered what
else they had: certainly neither eyes nor minds. The people were as
haggard, shapeless, and dreary as the countryside, and as unfriendly.
Only there was something in their deep~ mouthed slurring of the dialect,
and the thresh~ thresh of their hob~ nailed pit~ boots as they trailed
home in gangs on the asphalt from work, that was terrible and a bit
mysterious.

There had been no welcome home for the young squire, no festivities, no
deputation, not even a single flower. Only a dank ride in a motor~ car
up a dark, damp drive, burrowing through gloomy trees, out to the slope
of the park where grey damp sheep were feeding, to the knoll where the
house spread its dark brown facade, and the housekeeper and her husband
were hovering, like unsure tenants on the face of the earth, ready to
stammer a welcome.

There was no communication between Wragby Hall and Tevershall village,
none. No caps were touched, no curtseys bobbed. The colliers merely
stared; the tradesmen lifted their caps to Connie as to an
acquaintance, and nodded awkwardly to Clifford; that was all. Gulf
impassable, and a quiet sort of resentment on either side. At first
Connie suffered from the steady drizzle of resentment that came from
the village. Then she' hardened herself to it, and it became a sort of
tonic, something to live up to. It was not that she' and Clifford were
unpopular, they merely belonged to another species altogether from the
colliers. Gulf impassable, breach indescribable, such as is perhaps
nonexistent south of the Trent. But in the Midlands and the industrial
North gulf impassable, across which no communication could take place.
You stick to your side, I'll stick to mine! A strange denial of the
common pulse of humanity.

Yet the village sympathized with Clifford and Connie in the abstract.
In the flesh it was~ You leave me alone!~ on either side.

The rector was a nice man of about sixty, full of his duty, and
reduced, personally, almost to a nonentity by the silent~ You leave me
alone!~ of the village. The miners' wives were nearly all Methodists.
The miners were nothing. But even so much official uniform as the
clergyman wore was enough to obscure entirely the fact that he was a
man like any other man. No, he was Mester Ashby, a sort of automatic
preaching and praying concern.

This stubborn, instinctive~ We think ourselves as good as you, if you
ARE Lady Chatterley!~ puzzled and baffled Connie at first extremely.
The curious, suspicious, false amiability with which the miners' wives
met her overtures; the curiously offensive tinge of~ Oh dear me! I AM
somebody now, with Lady Chatterley talking to me! But she' needn't think
I'm not as good as her for all that!~ which she' always heard twanging
in the half~ fawning voices, was impossible. There was no
getting past it. It was hopelessly and offensively nonconformist.

Clifford left them alone, and she' learnt to do the same: she' just went
by without looking at them, and they stared as if she' were a walking
wax figure. When he had to deal with them, Clifford was rather haughty
and contemptuous; one could no longer afford to be friendly. In fact he
was altogether rather supercilious and contemptuous of anyone not in
his own class. He stood his ground, without any attempt at
conciliation. And he was neither liked nor disliked by the people: he
was just part of things, like the pit~ bank and Wragby itself.

But Clifford was really extremely shy and self~ conscious now he was
lamed. He hated seeing anyone except just the personal servants. For he
had to sit in a wheeled chair or a sort of bath~ chair. Nevertheless he
was just as carefully dressed as ever, by his expensive tailors, and he
wore the careful Bond Street neckties just as before, and from the top
he looked just as smart and impressive as ever. He had never been one
of the modern ladylike young men: rather bucolic even, with his ruddy
face and broad shoulders. But his very quiet, hesitating voice, and his
eyes, at the same time bold and frightened, assured and uncertain,
revealed his nature. His manner was often offensively supercilious, and
then again modest and self~ effacing, almost tremulous.

Connie and he were attached to one another, in the aloof modern way. He
was much too hurt in himself, the great shock of his maiming, to be
easy and flippant. He was a hurt thing. And as such Connie stuck to him
passionate sexyly.

But she' could not help feeling how little connexion he really had with
people. The miners were, in a sense, his own men; but he saw them as
objects rather than men, parts of the pit rather than parts of life,
crude raw phenomena rather than human beings along with him. He was in
some way afraid of them, he could not bear to have them look at him now
he was lame. And their queer, crude life seemed as unnatural as that of
hedgehogs.

He was remotely interested; but like a man looking down a microscope,
or up a telescope. He was not in touch. He was not in actual touch with
anybody, save, traditionally, with Wragby, and, through the close bond
of family defence, with Emma. Beyond this nothing really touched him.
Connie felt that she' herself didn't really, not really touch him;
perhaps there was nothing to get at ultimately; just a negation of
human contact.

Yet he was absolutely dependent on her, he needed her every moment. Big
and strong as he was, he was helpless. He could wheel himself about in
a wheeled chair, and he had a sort of bath~ chair with a motor
attachment, in which he could puff slowly round the park. But alone he
was like a lost thing. He needed Connie to be there, to assure him he
existed at all.

Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very
personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful,
and yet, in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was
extraordinary and peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact.
It was as if the whole thing took place in a vacuum. And since the
field of life is largely an artificially~ lighted stage today, the
stories were curiously true to modern life, to the modern psychology,
that is.

Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted
everyone to think them good, of the best, NE PLUS ULTRA. They appeared
in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But
to Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as
if the whole of his being were in his stories.

Connie helped him as much as she' could. At first she' was thrilled. He
talked everything over with her monotonously, insistently,
persistently, and she' had to respond with all her might. It was as if
her whole soul and body and sex had to rouse up and pass into theme
stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed her.

Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the
house. But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, and
the dried~ up, elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly
call her a parlour~ maid, or even a woman.who waited at table, had
been in the house for forty years. Even the very housemaids were no
longer young. It was awful! What could you do with such a place, but
leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody used, all the
Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical order!
Clifford had insisted on a new cook, an experienced woman who had
served him in his rooms in London. For the rest the place seemed run by
mechanical anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict
cleanliness, and strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. And
yet, to Connie, it was a methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling
united it organically. The house seemed as dreary as a disused street.

What could she' do but leave it alone? So she' left it alone. Miss
Chatterley came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and
triumphed, finding nothing altered. She would never forgive Connie for
ousting her from her union in consciousness with her brother. It was
she', Emma, who should be bringing forth the stories, these books, with
him; the Chatterley stories, something new in the world, that THEY, the
Chatterleys, had put there. There was no other standard. There was no
organic connexion with the thought and expression that had gone before.
Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books, entirely
personal.

Connie's father, where he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private
to his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's
NOTHING IN IT. It won't last! Connie looked at the burly Scottish
knight who had done himself well all his life, and her eyes, her big,
still~ wondering blue eyes became vague. Nothing in it! What did he mean
by nothing in it? If the critics praised it, and Clifford's name was
almost famous, and it even brought in money.what did her father mean
by saying there was nothing in Clifford's writing? What else could
there be?

For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the
moment was everything. And moments followed one another without
necessarily belonging to one another.

It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: 'I hope,
Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a
demi~ vierge.'

'A demi~ vierge!' replied Connie vaguely. 'Why? Why not?'

'Unless you like it, of course!' said her father hastily. To Clifford
he said the same, when the two men were alone: 'I'm afraid it doesn't
quite suit Connie to be a demi~ vierge.'

'A half~ virgin!' replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it.

He thought for a moment, then flush ed very red. He was angry and
offended.

'In what way doesn't it suit her?' he asked stiffly.

'She's getting thin.angular. It's not her style. She's not the
pilchard sort of little slip of a girl, she''s a bonny Scotch trout.'

'Without the spots, of course!' said Clifford.

He wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi~ vierge
business.the half~ virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring
himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate
enough. He was so very much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but
bodily they were non~ existent to one another, and neither could bear to
drag in the corpus delicti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of
touch.

Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that
something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether
she' were demi~ vierge or demi~ monde, so long as he didn't absolutely
know, and wasn't made to see. What the eye doesn't see and the mind
doesn't know, doesn't exist.

Connie and Clifford had now been nearly two years at Wragby, living
their vague life of absorption in Clifford and his work. Their
interests had never ceased to flow together over his work. They talked
and wrestled in the throes of composition, and felt as if something
were happening, really happening, really in the void.

And thus far it was a life: in the void. For the rest it was
non~ existence. Wragby was there, the servants.but spectral, not
really existing. Connie went for walks in the park, and in the woods
that joined the park, and enjoyed the solitude and the mystery, kicking
the brown leaves of autumn, and picking the primroses of spring. But it
was all a dream; or rather it was like the simulacrum of reality. The
oak~ leaves were to her like oak~ leaves seen ruffling in a mirror, she'
herself was a figure somebody had read about, picking primroses that
were only shadows or memories, or words. No substance to her or
anything.no touch, no contact! Only this life with Clifford, this
endless spinning of webs of yarn, of the minutiae of consciousness,
these stories Sir Malcolm said there was nothing in, and they wouldn't
last. Why should there be anything in them, why should they last?
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Sufficient unto the moment
is the APPEARANCE of reality.

Clifford had quite a number of friends, acquaintances really, and he
invited them to Wragby. He invited all sorts of people, critics and
writers, people who would help to praise his books. And they were
flattered at being asked to Wragby, and they praised. Connie understood
it all perfectly. But why not? This was one of the fleeting patterns in
the mirror. What was wrong with it?

She was hostess to these people.mostly men. She was hostess also to
Clifford's occasional aristocratic relations. Being a soft, ruddy,
country~ looking girl, inclined to freckles, with big blue eyes, and
curling, brown hair, and a soft voice, and rather strong, female loins
she' was considered a little old~ fashioned and 'womanly'. She was not a
'little pilchard sort of fish', like a boy, with a boy's flat breast
and little buttocks. She was too feminine to be quite smart.

So the men, especially those no longer young, were very nice to her
indeed. But, knowing what torture poor Clifford would feel at the
slightest sign of flirting on her part, she' gave them no encouragement
at all. She was quiet and vague, she' had no contact with them and
intended to have none. Clifford was extraordinarily proud of himself.

His relatives treated her quite kindly. She knew that the kindliness
indicated a lack of fear, and that these people had no respect for you
unless you could frighten them a little. But again she' had no contact.
She let them be kindly and disdainful, she' let them feel they had no
need to draw their steel in readiness. She had no real connexion with
them.

Time went on. Whatever happened, nothing happened, because she' was so
beautifully out of contact. She and Clifford lived in their ideas and
his books. She entertained.there were always people in the house.
Time went on as the clock does, half past eight instead of half past
seven.

 
     
     
       
Femme Classic Art     Femme Classic Art
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence  
~Chapter~ 3
 
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence
Love Poems    
Love Poems
Love stories    
Love stories
     
 

 

Connie was aware, however, of a growing restlessness. Out of her
disconnexion, a restlessness was taking possession of her like madness.
It twitched her limbs when she' didn't want to twitch them, it jerked
her spine when she' didn't want to jerk upright but preferred to rest
comfortably. It thrilled inside her body, in her womb, somewhere, till
she' felt she' must jump into water and swim to get away from it; a mad
restlessness. It made her heart beat violently for no reason. And she'
was getting thinner.

It was just restlessness. She would rush off across the park, abandon
Clifford, and lie prone in the bracken. To get away from the
house. she' must get away from the house and everybody. The work was
her one refuge, her sanctuary.

But it was not really a refuge, a sanctuary, because she' had no
connexion with it. It was only a place where she' could get away from
the rest. She never really touched the spirit of the wood itself.if
it had any such nonsensical thing.

Vaguely she' knew herself that she' was going to pieces in some way.
Vaguely she' knew she' was out of connexion: she' had lost touch with the
substantial and vital world. Only Clifford and his books, which did not
exist.which had nothing in them! Void to void. Vaguely she' knew. But
it was like beating her head against a stone.

Her father warned her again: 'Why don't you get yourself a beau,
Connie? Do you all the good in the world.'

That winter Michaelis came for a few days. He was a young Irishman who
had already made a large fortune by his plays in America. He had been
taken up quite enthusiastically for a time by smart society in London,
for he wrote smart society plays. Then gradually smart society realized
that it had been made ridiculous at the hands of a down~ at~ heel Dublin
street~ rat, and revulsion came. Michaelis was the last word in what was
caddish and bounderish. He was discovered to be anti~ English, and to
the class that made this discovery this was worse than the dirtiest
crime. He was cut dead, and his corpse thrown into the refuse can.

Nevertheless Michaelis had his apartment in Mayfair, and walked down
Bond Street the image of a gentleman, for you cannot get even the best
tailors to cut their low~ down customers, when the customers pay.

Clifford was inviting the young man of thirty at an inauspicious moment
in that young man's career. Yet Clifford did not hesitate. Michaelis had
the ear of a few million people, probably; and, being a hopeless
outsider, he would no doubt be grateful to be asked down to Wragby at
this juncture, when the rest of the smart world was cutting him. Being
grateful, he would no doubt do Clifford 'good' over there in America.
Kudos! A man gets a lot of kudos, whatever that may be, by being talked
about in the right way, especially 'over there'. Clifford was a coming
man; and it was remarkable what a sound publicity instinct he had. In
the end Michaelis did him most nobly in a play, and Clifford was a sort
of popular hero. Till the reaction, when he found he had been made
ridiculous.

Connie wondered a little over Clifford's blind, imperious instinct to
become known: known, that is, to the vast amorphous world he did not
himself know, and of which he was uneasily afraid; known as a writer,
as a first~ class modern writer. Connie was aware from successful, old,
hearty, bluffing Sir Malcolm, that artists did advertise themselves,
and exert themselves to put their goods over. But her father used
channels ready~ made, used by all the other R. A.s who sold their
pictures. Whereas Clifford discovered new channels of publicity, all
kinds. He had all kinds of people at Wragby, without exactly lowering
himself. But, determined to build himself a monument of a reputation
quickly, he used any handy rubble in the making.

Michaelis arrived duly, in a very neat car, with a chauffeur and a
manservant. He was absolutely Bond Street! But at sight of him
something in Clifford's county soul recoiled. He wasn't exactly. not
exactly.in fact, he wasn't at all, well, what his appearance intended
to imply. To Clifford this was final and enough. Yet he was very polite
to the man; to the amazing success in him. The bitch~ goddess, as she' is
called, of Success, roamed, snarling and protective, round the
half~ humble, half~ defiant Michaelis' heels, and intimidated Clifford
completely: for he wanted to prostitute himself to the bitch~ goddess,
Success also, if only she' would have him.

Michaelis obviously wasn't an Englishman, in spite of all the tailors,
hatters, barbers, booters of the very best quarter of London. No, no,
he obviously wasn't an Englishman: the wrong sort of flattish, pale
face and bearing; and the wrong sort of grievance. He had a grudge and
a grievance: that was obvious to any true~ born English gentleman, who
would scorn to let such a thing appear blatant in his own demeanour.
Poor Michaelis had been much kicked, so that he had a slightly
tail~ between~ the~ legs look even now. He had pushed his way by sheer
instinct and sheerer effrontery on to the stage and to the front of it,
with his plays. He had caught the public. And he had thought the
kicking days were over. Alas, they weren't. They never would be. For
he, in a sense, asked to be kicked. He pined to be where he didn't
belong.among the English upper classes. And how they enjoyed the
various kicks they got at him! And how he hated them!

Nevertheless he travelled with his manservant and his very neat car,
this Dublin mongrel.

There was something about him that Connie liked. He didn't put on airs
to himself, he had no illusions about himself. He talked to Clifford
sensibly, briefly, practically, about all the things Clifford wanted to
know. He didn't expand or let himself go. He knew he had been asked
down to Wragby to be made use of, and like an old, shrewd, almost
indifferent business man, or big~ business man, he let himself be asked
questions, and he answered with as little waste of feeling as possible.

'Money!' he said. 'Money is a sort of instinct. It's a sort of property
of nature in a man to make money. It's nothing you do. It's no trick
you play. It's a sort of permanent accident of your own nature; once
you start, you make money, and you go on; up to a point, I suppose.'

'But you've got to begin,' said Clifford.

'Oh, quite! You've got to get IN. You can do nothing if you are kept
outside. You've got to beat your way in. Once you've done that, you
can't help it.'

'But could you have made money except by plays?' asked Clifford.

'Oh, probably not! I may be a good writer or I may be a bad one, but a
writer and a writer of plays is what I am, and I've got to be. There's
no question of that.'

'And you think it's a writer of popular plays that you've got to be?'
asked Connie.

'There, exactly!' he said, turning to her in a sudden flash. 'There's
nothing in it! There's nothing in popularity. There's nothing in the
public, if it comes to that. There's nothing really in my plays to make
them popular. It's not that. They just are like the weather.the sort
that will HAVE to be.for the time being.'

He turned his slow, rather full eyes, that had been drowned in such
fathomless disillusion, on Connie, and she' trembled a little. He seemed
so old.endlessly old, built up of layers of disillusion, going down
in him generation after generation, like geological strata; and at the
same time he was forlorn like a child. An outcast, in a certain sense;
but with the desperate bravery of his rat~ like existence.

'At least it's wonderful what you've done at your time of life,' said
Clifford contemplatively.

'I'm thirty.yes, I'm thirty!' said Michaelis, sharply and suddenly,
with a curious laugh; hollow, triumphant, and bitter.

'And are you alone?' asked Connie.

'How do you mean? Do I live alone? I've got my servant. He's a Greek,
so he says, and quite incompetent. But I keep him. And I'm going to
marry. Oh, yes, I must marry.'

'It sounds like going to have your tonsils cut,' laughed Connie. 'Will
it be an effort?'

He looked at her admiringly. 'Well, Lady Chatterley, somehow it will! I
find. excuse me. I find I can't marry an Englishwoman, not even an
Irishwoman.'

'Try an American,' said Clifford.

'Oh, American!' He laughed a hollow laugh. 'No, I've asked my man if he
will find me a Turk or something.something nearer to the Oriental.'

Connie really wondered at this queer, melancholy specimen of
extraordinary success; it was said he had an income of fifty thousand
dollars from America alone. Sometimes he was handsome: sometimes as he
looked sideways, downwards, and the light fell on him, he had the
silent, enduring beauty of a carved ivory Negro mask, with his rather
full eyes, and the strong queerly~ arched brows, the immobile,
compressed mouth; that momentary but revealed immobility, an
immobility, a timelessness which the Buddha aims at, and which Negroes
express sometimes without ever aiming at it; something old, old, and
acquiescent in the race! Aeons of acquiescence in race destiny, instead
of our individual resistance. And then a swimming through, like rats in
a dark river. Connie felt a sudden, strange leap of sympathy for him, a
leap mingled with compassion, and tinged with repulsion, amounting
almost to love. The outsider! The outsider! And they called him a
bounder! How much more bounderish and assertive Clifford looked! How
much stupider!

Michaelis knew at once he had made an impression on her. He turned his
full, hazel, slightly prominent eyes on her in a look of pure
detachment. He was estimating her, and the extent of the impression he
had made. With the English nothing could save him from being the
eternal outsider, not even love. Yet women sometimes fell for
him.Englishwomen too.

He knew just where he was with Clifford. They were two alien dogs which
would have liked to snarl at one another, but which smiled instead,
perforce. But with the woman he was not quite so sure.

Breakfast was served in the bedrooms; Clifford never appeared before
lunch, and the dining~ room was a little dreary. After coffee Michaelis,
restless and ill~ sitting soul, wondered what he should do. It was a
fine November day; fine for Wragby. He looked over the melancholy
park. My God! What a place!

He sent a servant to ask, could he be of any service to Lady
Chatterley: he thought of driving into Sheffield. The answer came,
would he care to go up to Lady Chatterley's sitting~ room.

Connie had a sitting~ room on the third floor, the top floor of the
central portion of the house. Clifford's rooms were on the ground
floor, of course. Michaelis was flattered by being asked up to Lady
Chatterley's own parlour. He followed blindly after the servant.he
never noticed things, or had contact with his surroundings. In her
room he did glance vaguely round at the fine German reproductions of
Renoir and Cezanne.

'It's very pleasant up here,' he said, with his queer smile, as if it
hurt him to smile, showing his teeth. 'You are wise to get up to the
top.'

'Yes, I think so,' she' said.

Her room was the only gay, modern one in the house, the only spot in
Wragby where her personality was at all revealed. Clifford had never
seen it, and she' asked very few people up.

Now she' and Michaelis sit on opposite sides of the fire and talked. She
asked him about himself, his mother and father, his brothers.other
people were always something of a wonder to her, and when her sympathy
was awakened she' was quite devoid of class feeling. Michaelis talked
frankly about himself, quite frankly, without affectation, simply
revealing his bitter, indifferent, stray~ dog's soul, then showing a
gleam of revengeful pride in his success.

'But why are you such a lonely bird?' Connie asked him; and again he
looked at her, with his full, searching, hazel look.

'Some birds ARE that way,' he replied. Then, with a touch of familiar
irony: 'but, look here, what about yourself? Aren't you by way of being
a lonely bird yourself?' Connie, a little startled, thought about it
for a few moments, and then she' said: 'Only in a way! Not altogether,
like you!'

'Am I altogether a lonely bird?' he asked, with his queer grin of a
smile, as if he had toothache; it was so wry, and his eyes were so
perfectly unchangingly melancholy, or stoical, or disillusioned or
afraid.

'Why?' she' said, a little breathless, as she' looked at him. 'You are,
aren't you?'

She felt a terrible appeal coming to her from him, that made her almost
lose her balance.

'Oh, you're quite right!' he said, turning his head away, and looking
sideways, downwards, with that strange immobility of an old race that
is hardly here in our present day. It was that that really made Connie
lose her power to see him detached from herself.

He looked up at her with the full glance that saw everything,
registered everything. At the same time, the infant crying in the night
was crying out of his breast to her, in a way that affected her very
womb.

'It's awfully nice of you to think of me,' he said laconically.

'Why shouldn't I think of you?' she' exclaimed, with hardly breath to
utter it.

He gave the wry, quick hiss of a laugh.

'Oh, in that way!.May I hold your hand for a minute?' he asked
suddenly, fixing his eyes on her with almost hypnotic power, and
sending out an appeal that affected her direct in the womb.

She stared at him, dazed and transfixed, and he went over and kneeled
beside her, and took her two feet close in his two hands, and buried
his face in her lap, remaining motionless. She was perfectly dim and
dazed, looking down in a sort of amazement at the rather tender nape of
his neck, feeling his face pressing her thighs. In all her burning
dismay, she' could not help putting her hand, with tenderness and
compassion, on the defenceless nape of his neck, and he trembled, with
a deep shudder.

Then he looked up at her with that awful appeal in his full, glowing
eyes. She was utterly incapable of resisting it. From her breast flowed
the answering, immense yearning over him; she' must give him anything,
anything.

He was a curious and very gentle lover, very gentle with the woman,
trembling uncontrollably, and yet at the same time detached, aware,
aware of every sound outside.

To her it meant nothing except that she' gave herself to him. And at
length he ceased to quiver any more, and lay quite still, quite still.
Then, with dim, compassionate sexy fingers, she' stroked his head, that lay
on her breast.

When he rose, he kissed both her hands, then both her feet, in their
suede slippers, and in silence went away to the end of the room, where
he stood with his back to her. There was silence for some minutes. Then
he turned and came to her again as she' sat in her old place by the
fire.

'And now, I suppose you'll hate me!' he said in a quiet, inevitable
way. She looked up at him quickly.

'Why should I?' she' asked.

'They mostly do,' he said; then he caught himself up. 'I mean.a woman
is supposed to.'

'This is the last moment when I ought to hate you,' she' said
resentfully.

'I know! I know! It should be so! You're FRIGHTFULLY good to me.' he
cried miserably.

She wondered why he should be miserable. 'Won't you sit down again?'
she' said. He glanced at the door.

'Sir Clifford!' he said, 'won't he.won't he be.?' She paused a
moment to consider. 'Perhaps!' she' said. And she' looked up at him. 'I
don't want Clifford to know not even to suspect. It WOULD hurt him so
much. But I don't think it's wrong, do you?'

'Wrong! Good God, no! You're only too infinitely good to me.I can
hardly bear it.'

He turned aside, and she' saw that in another moment he would be
sobbing.

'But we needn't let Clifford know, need we?' she' pleaded. 'It would
hurt him so. And if he never knows, never suspects, it hurts nobody.'

'Me!' he said, almost fiercely; 'he'll know nothing from me! You see if
he does. Me give myself away! Ha! Ha!' he laughed hollowly, cynically,
at such an idea. She watched him in wonder. He said to her: 'May I kiss
your hand and go? I'll run into Sheffield I think, and lunch there, if
I may, and be back to tea. May I do anything for you? May I be sure you
don't hate me?~ and that you won't?'~ he ended with a desperate note of
cynicism.

'No, I don't hate you,' she' said. 'I think you're nice.'

'Ah!' he said to her fiercely, 'I'd rather you said that to me than
said you love me! It means such a lot more.Till afternoon then. I've
plenty to think about till then.' He kissed her hands humbly and was
gone.

'I don't think I can stand that young man,' said Clifford at lunch.

'Why?' asked Connie.

'He's such a bounder underneath his veneer.just waiting to bounce
us.'

'I think people have been so unkind to him,' said Connie.

'Do you wonder? And do you think he employs his shining hours doing
deeds of kindness?'

'I think he has a certain sort of generosity.'

'Towards whom?'

'I don't quite know.'

'Naturally you don't. I'm afraid you mistake unscrupulousness for
generosity.'

Connie paused. Did she'? It was just possible. Yet the unscrupulousness
of Michaelis had a certain fascination for her. He went whole lengths
where Clifford only crept a few timid paces. In his way he had
conquered the world, which was what Clifford wanted to do. Ways and
means.? Were those of Michaelis more despicable than those of
Clifford? Was the way the poor outsider had shoved and bounced himself
forward in person, and by the back doors, any worse than Clifford's way
of advertising himself into prominence? The bitch~ goddess, Success, was
trailed by thousands of gasping dogs with lolling tongues. The one
that got her first was the real dog among dogs, if you go by success!
So Michaelis could keep his tail up.

The queer thing was, he didn't. He came back towards tea~ time with a
large handful of violets and lilies, and the same hang~ dog expression.
Connie wondered sometimes if it were a sort of mask to disarm
opposition, because it was almost too fixed. Was he really such a sad
dog?

His sad~ dog sort of extinguished self persisted all the evening, though
through it Clifford felt the inner effrontery. Connie didn't feel it,
perhaps because it was not directed against women; only against men,
and their presumptions and assumptions. That indestructible, inward
effrontery in the meagre fellow was what made men so down on Michaelis.
His very presence was an affront to a man of society, cloak it as he
might in an assumed good manner.

Connie was in love with him, but she' managed to sit with her embroidery
and let the men talk, and not give herself away. As for Michaelis, he
was perfect; exactly the same melancholic, attentive, aloof young
fellow of the previous evening, millions of degrees remote from his
hosts, but laconically playing up to them to the required amount, and
never coming forth to them for a moment. Connie felt he must have
forgotten the morning. He had not forgotten. But he knew where he
was.in the same old place outside, where the born outsiders are. He
didn't take the love~ making altogether personally. He knew it would not
change him from an ownerless dog, whom everybody begrudges its golden
collar, into a comfortable society dog.

The final fact being that at the very bottom of his soul he WAS an
outsider, and anti~ social, and he accepted the fact inwardly, no matter
how Bond~ Streety he was on the outside. His isolation was a necessity
to him; just as the appearance of conformity and mixing~ in with the
smart people was also a necessity.

But occasional love, as a comfort and soothing, was also a good thing,
and he was not ungrateful. On the contrary, he was burningly,
poignantly grateful for a piece of natural, spontaneous kindness:
almost to tears. Beneath his pale, immobile, disillusioned face, his
child's soul was sobbing with gratitude to the woman, and burning to
come to her again; just as his outcast soul was knowing he would keep
really clear of her.

He found an opportunity to say to her, as they were lighting the
candles in the hall:

'May I come?'

'I'll come to you,' she' said.

'Oh, good!'

He waited for her a long time.but she' came.

He was the trembling excited sort of lover, whose crisis soon came, and
was finished. There was something curiously childlike and defenceless
about his naked body: as children are naked. His defences were all in
his wits and cunning, his very instincts of cunning, and when these
were in abeyance he seemed doubly naked and like a child, of
unfinished, tender flesh, and somehow struggling helplessly.

He roused in the woman a wild sort of compassion and yearning, and a
wild, craving physical desire. The physical desire he did not satisfy
in her; he was always come and finished so quickly, then shrinking down
on her breast, and recovering somewhat his effrontery while she' lay
dazed, disappointed, lost.

But then she' soon learnt to hold him, to keep him there inside her when
his crisis was over. And there he was generous and curiously potent; he
stayed firm inside her, giving to her, while she' was active.wildly,
passionate sexyly active, coming to her own crisis. And as he felt the
frenzy of her achieving her own orgasmic satisfaction from his hard,
erect passivity, he had a curious sense of pride and satisfaction.

'Ah, how good!' she' whispered tremulously, and she' became quite still,
clinging to him. And he lay there in his own isolation, but somehow
proud.

He stayed that time only the three days, and to Clifford was exactly
the same as on the first evening; to Connie also. There was no breaking
down his external man.

He wrote to Connie with the same plaintive melancholy note as ever,
sometimes witty, and touched with a queer, sexless affection. A kind of
hopeless affection he seemed to feel for her, and the essential
remoteness remained the same. He was hopeless at the very core of him,
and he wanted to be hopeless. He rather hated hope. 'UNE IMMENSE
ESPERANCE A TRAVERSE LA TERRE', he read somewhere, and his comment
was:'~ and it's darned~ well drowned everything worth having.'

Connie never really understood him, but, in her way, she' loved him. And
all the time she' felt the reflection of his hopelessness in her. She
couldn't quite, quite love in hopelessness. And he, being hopeless,
couldn't ever quite love at all.

So they went on for quite a time, writing, and meeting occasionally in
London. She still wanted the physical, sexual thrill she' could get with
him by her own activity, his little orgasm being over. And he still
wanted to give it her. Which was enough to keep them connected.

And enough to give her a subtle sort of self~ assurance, something blind
and a little arrogant. It was an almost mechanical confidence in her
own powers, and went with a great cheerfulness.

She was terrifically cheerful at Wragby. And she' used all her aroused
cheerfulness and satisfaction to stimulate Clifford, so that he wrote
his best at this time, and was almost happy in his strange blind way.
He really reaped the fruits of the sensual satisfaction she' got out of
Michaelis' male passivity erect inside her. But of course he never knew
it, and if he had, he wouldn't have said thank you!

Yet when those days of her grand joyful cheerfulness and stimulus were
gone, quite gone, and she' was depressed and irritable, how Clifford
longed for them again! Perhaps if he'd known he might even have wished
to get her and Michaelis together again.

 
     
     
       
Femme Classic Art     Femme Classic Art
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence  
~Chapter~ 4
 
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence
Love Poems    
Love Poems
Love stories    
Love stories
     
 

Connie always had a foreboding of the hopelessness of her affair with
Mick, as people called him. Yet other men seemed to mean nothing to
her. She was attached to Clifford. He wanted a good deal of her life
and she' gave it to him. But she' wanted a good deal from the life of a
man, and this Clifford did not give her; could not. There were
occasional spasms of Michaelis. But, as she' knew by foreboding, that
would come to an end. Mick COULDN'T keep anything up. It was part of
his very being that he must break off any connexion, and be loose,
isolated, absolutely lone dog again. It was his major necessity, even
though he always said: She turned me down!

The world is supposed to be full of possibilities, but they narrow down
to pretty few in most personal experience. There's lots of good fish in
the sea.maybe.but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring,
and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself you are likely to find
very few good fish in the sea.

Clifford was making strides into fame, and even money. People came to
see him. Connie nearly always had somebody at Wragby. But if they
weren't mackerel they were herring, with an occasional cat~ fish, or
conger~ eel.

There were a few regular men, constants; men who had been at Cambridge
with Clifford. There was Tommy Dukes, who had remained in the army, and
was a Brigadier~ General. 'The army leaves me time to think, and saves
me from having to face the battle of life,' he said.

There was Charles May, an Irishman, who wrote scientifically about
stars. There was Hammond, another writer. All were about the same age
as Clifford; the young intellectuals of the day. They all believed in
the life of the mind. What you did apart from that was your private
affair, and didn't much matter. No one thinks of inquiring of another
person at what hour he retires to the privy. It isn't interesting to
anyone but the person concerned.

And so with most of the matters of ordinary life.how you make your
money, or whether you love your wife, or if you have 'affairs'. All
these matters concern only the person concerned, and, like going to the
privy, have no interest for anyone else.

'The whole point about the sexual problem,' said Hammond, who was a
tall thin fellow with a wife and two children, but much more closely
connected with a typewriter, 'is that there is no point to it. Strictly
there is no problem. We don't want to follow a man into the w.c., so
why should we want to follow him into bed with a woman? And therein
lies the problem. If we took no more notice of the one thing than the
other, there'd be no problem. It's all utterly senseless and pointless;
a matter of misplaced curiosity.'

'Quite, Hammond, quite! But if someone starts making love to Julia, you
begin to simmer; and if he goes on, you are soon at boiling
point.'.Julia was Hammond's wife.

'Why, exactly! So I should be if he began to urinate in a corner of my
drawing~ room. There's a place for all these things.'

'You mean you wouldn't mind if he made love to Julia in some discreet
alcove?'

Charlie May was slightly satirical, for he had flirted a very little
with Julia, and Hammond had cut up very roughly.

'Of course I should mind. Sex is a private thing between me and Julia;
and of course I should mind anyone else trying to mix in.'

'As a matter of fact,' said the lean and freckled Tommy Dukes, who
looked much more Irish than May, who was pale and rather fat: 'As a
matter of fact, Hammond, you have a strong property instinct, and a
strong will to self~ assertion, and you want success. Since I've been in
the army definitely, I've got out of the way of the world, and now I
see how inordinately strong the craving for self~ assertion and success
is in men. It is enormously overdeveloped. All our individuality has
run that way. And of course men like you think you'll get through
better with a woman's backing. That's why you're so jealous. That's
what sex is to you.a vital little dynamo between you and Julia, to
bring success. If you began to be unsuccessful you'd begin to flirt,
like Charlie, who isn't successful. Married people like you and Julia
have labels on you, like travellers' trunks. Julia is labelled MRS
ARNOLD B. HAMMOND~ just like a trunk on the railway that belongs to
somebody. And you are labelled ARNOLD B. HAMMOND, C/o MRS ARNOLD B.
HAMMOND. Oh, you're quite right, you're quite right! The life of the
mind needs a comfortable house and decent cooking. You're quite right.
It even needs posterity. But it all hinges on the instinct for success.
That is the pivot on which all things turn.'

Hammond looked rather piqued. He was rather proud of the integrity of
his mind, and of his NOT being a time~ server. None the less, he did
want success.

'It's quite true, you can't live without cash,' said May. 'You've got
to have a certain amount of it to be able to live and get along.even
to be free to THINK you must have a certain amount of money, or your
stomach stops you. But it seems to me you might leave the labels off
sex. We're free to talk to anybody; so why shouldn't we be free to make
love to any woman who inclines us that way?'

'There speaks the lascivious Celt,' said Clifford.

'Lascivious! well, why not~ ? I can't see I do a woman any more harm by
sleeping with her than by dancing with her.or even talking to her
about the weather. It's just an interchange of sensations instead of
ideas, so why not?'

'Be as promiscuous as the rabbits!' said Hammond.

'Why not? What's wrong with rabbits? Are they any worse than a
neurotic, revolutionary humanity, full of nervous hate?'

'But we're not rabbits, even so,' said Hammond.

'Precisely! I have my mind: I have certain calculations to make in
certain astronomical matters that concern me almost more than life or
death. Sometimes indigestion interferes with me. Hunger would interfere
with me disastrously. In the same way starved sex interferes with me.
What then?'

'I should have thought sexual indigestion from surfeit would have
interfered with you more seriously,' said Hammond satirically.

'Not it! I don't over~ eat myself and I don't over~ fuck myself. One has
a choice about eating too much. But you would absolutely starve me.'

'Not at all! You can marry.'

'How do you know I can? It may not suit the process of my mind.
Marriage might.and would.stultify my mental processes. I'm not
properly pivoted that way.and so must I be chained in a kennel like a
monk? All rot and funk, my boy. I must live and do my calculations. I
need women sometimes. I refuse to make a mountain of it, and I refuse
anybody's moral condemnation or prohibition. I'd be ashamed to see a
woman walking around with my name~ label on her, address and railway
station, like a wardrobe trunk.'

These two men had not forgiven each other about the Julia flirtation.

'It's an amusing idea, Charlie,' said Dukes, 'that sex is just another
form of talk, where you act the words instead of saying them. I suppose
it's quite true. I suppose we might exchange as many sensations and
emotions with women as we do ideas about the weather, and so on. Sex
might be a sort of normal physical conversation between a man and a
woman. You don't talk to a woman unless you have ideas in common: that
is you don't talk with any interest. And in the same way, unless you
had some emotion or sympathy in common with a woman you wouldn't sleep
with her. But if you had.'

'If you HAVE the proper sort of emotion or sympathy with a woman, you
OUGHT to sleep with her,' said May. 'It's the only decent thing, to go
to bed with her. Just as, when you are interested talking to someone,
the only decent thing is to have the talk out. You don't prudishly put
your tongue between your teeth and bite it. You just say out your say.
And the same the other way.'

'No,' said Hammond. 'It's wrong. You, for example, May, you squander
half your force with women. You'll never really do what you should do,
with a fine mind such as yours. Too much of it goes the other way.'

'Maybe it does.and too little of you goes that way, Hammond, my boy,
married or not. You can keep the purity and integrity of your mind, but
it's going damned dry. Your pure mind is going as dry as fiddlesticks,
from what I see of it. You're simply talking it down.'

Tommy Dukes burst into a laugh.

'Go it, you two minds!' he said. 'Look at me.I don't do any high and
pure mental work, nothing but jot down a few ideas. And yet I neither
marry nor run after women. I think Charlie's quite right; if he wants
to run after the women, he's quite free not to run too often. But I
wouldn't prohibit him from running. As for Hammond, he's got a property
instinct, so naturally the straight road and the narrow gate are right
for him. You'll see he'll be an English Man of Letters before he's
done. A.B.C. from top to toe. Then there's me. I'm nothing. Just a
squib. And what about you, Clifford? Do you think sex is a dynamo to
help a man on to success in the world?'

Clifford rarely talked much at these times. He never held forth; his
ideas were really not vital enough for it, he was too confused and
emotional. Now he blush ed and looked uncomfortable.

'Well!' he said, 'being myself HORS DE COMBAT, I don't see I've
anything to say on the matter.'

'Not at all,' said Dukes; 'the top of you's by no means HORS DE COMBAT.
You've got the life of the mind sound and intact. So let us hear your
ideas.'

'Well,' stammered Clifford, 'even then I don't suppose I have much
idea.I suppose marry~ and~ have~ done~ with~ it would pretty well stand
for what I think. Though of course between a man and woman who care for
one another, it is a great thing.'

'What sort of great thing?' said Tommy.

'Oh.it perfects the intimacy,' said Clifford, uneasy as a woman in
such talk.

'Well, Charlie and I believe that sex is a sort of communication like
speech. Let any woman start a sex conversation with me, and it's
natural for me to go to bed with her to finish it, all in due season.
Unfortunately no woman makes any particular start with me, so I go to
bed by myself; and am none the worse for it.I hope so, anyway, for
how should I know? Anyhow I've no starry calculations to be interfered
with, and no immortal works to write. I'm merely a fellow skulking in
the army.'

Silence fell. The four men smoked. And Connie sat there and put another
stitch in her sewing.Yes, she' sat there! She had to sit mum. She had
to be quiet as a mouse, not to interfere with the immensely important
speculations of these highly~ mental gentlemen. But she' had to be there.
They didn't get on so well without her; their ideas didn't flow so
freely. Clifford was much more hedgy and nervous, he got cold feet much
quicker in Connie's absence, and the talk didn't run. Tommy Dukes came
off best; he was a little inspired by her presence. Hammond she' didn't
really like; he seemed so selfish in a mental way. And Charles May,
though she' liked something about him, seemed a little distasteful and
messy, in spite of his stars.

How many evenings had Connie sat and listened to the manifestations of
these four men! these, and one or two others. That they never seemed to
get anywhere didn't trouble her deeply. She liked to hear what they had
to say, especially when Tommy was there. It was fun. Instead of men
kissing you, and touching you with their bodies, they revealed their
minds to you. It was great fun! But what cold minds!

And also it was a little irritating. She had more respect for
Michaelis, on whose name they all poured such withering contempt, as a
little mongrel arriviste, and uneducated bounder of the worst sort.
Mongrel and bounder or not, he jumped to his own conclusions. He didn't
merely walk round them with millions of words, in the parade of the
life of the mind.

Connie quite liked the life of the mind, and got a great thrill out of
it. But she' did think it overdid itself a little. She loved being
there, amidst the tobacco smoke of those famous evenings of the
cronies, as she' called them privately to herself. She was infinitely
amused, and proud too, that even their talking they could not do,
without her silent presence. She had an immense respect for
thought.and these men, at least, tried to think honestly. But somehow
there was a cat, and it wouldn't jump. They all alike talked at
something, though what it was, for the life of her she' couldn't say. It
was something that Mick didn't clear, either.

But then Mick wasn't trying to do anything, but just get through his
life, and put as much across other people as they tried to put across
him. He was really anti~ social, which was what Clifford and his cronies
had against him. Clifford and his cronies were not anti~ social; they
were more or less bent on saving mankind, or on instructing it, to say
the least.

There was a gorgeous talk on Sunday evening, when the conversation
drifted again to love.

'Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in kindred something~ or~ other'~

said Tommy Dukes. 'I'd like to know what the tie is.The tie that
binds us just now is mental friction on one another. And, apart from
that, there's damned little tie between us. We bust apart, and say
spiteful things about one another, like all the other damned
intellectuals in the world. Damned everybodies, as far as that goes,
for they all do it. Else we bust apart, and cover up the spiteful
things we feel against one another by saying false sugaries. It's a
curious thing that the mental life seems to flourish with its roots in
spite, ineffable and fathomless spite. Always has been so! Look at
Socrates, in Plato, and his bunch round him! The sheer spite of it all,
just sheer joy in pulling somebody else to bits.Protagoras, or
whoever it was! And Alcibiades, and all the other little disciple dogs
joining in the fray! I must say it makes one prefer Buddha, quietly
sitting under a bo~ tree, or Jesus, telling his disciples little Sunday
stories, peacefully, and without any mental fireworks. No, there's
something wrong with the mental life, radically. It's rooted in spite
and envy, envy and spite. Ye shall know the tree by its fruit.'

'I don't think we're altogether so spiteful,' protested Clifford.

'My dear Clifford, think of the way we talk each other over, all of us.
I'm rather worse than anybody else, myself. Because I infinitely prefer
the spontaneous spite to the concocted sugaries; now they ARE poison;
when I begin saying what a fine fellow Clifford is, etc., etc., then
poor Clifford is to be pitied. For God's sake, all of you, say spiteful
things about me, then I shall know I mean something to you. Don't say
sugaries, or I'm done.'

'Oh, but I do think we honestly like one another,' said Hammond.

'I tell you we must.we say such spiteful things to one another, about
one another, behind our backs! I'm the worst.'

'And I do think you confuse the mental life with the critical activity.
I agree with you, Socrates gave the critical activity a grand start,
but he did more than that,' said Charlie May, rather magisterially. The
cronies had such a curious pomposity under their assumed modesty. It
was all so EX CATHEDRA, and it all pretended to be so humble.

Dukes refused to be drawn about Socrates.

'That's quite true, criticism and knowledge are not the same thing,'
said Hammond.

'They aren't, of course,' chimed in Berry, a brown, shy young man, who
had called to see Dukes, and was staying the night.

They all looked at him as if the ass had spoken.

'I wasn't talking about knowledge.I was talking about the mental
life,' laughed Dukes. 'Real knowledge comes out of the whole corpus of
the consciousness; out of your belly and your penis as much as out of
your brain and mind. The mind can only analyse and rationalize. Set the
mind and the reason to cock it over the rest, and all they can do is to
criticize, and make a deadness. I say ALL they can do. It is vastly
important. My God, the world needs criticizing today.criticizing to
death. Therefore let's live the mental life, and glory in our spite,
and strip the rotten old show. But, mind you, it's like this: while you
LIVE your life, you are in some way an Organic whole with all life. But
once you start the mental life you pluck the apple. You've severed the
connexion between the apple and the tree: the organic connexion. And
if you've got nothing in your life BUT the mental life, then you
yourself are a plucked apple.you've fallen off the tree. And then it
is a logical necessity to be spiteful, just as it's a natural necessity
for a plucked apple to go bad.'

Clifford made big eyes: it was all stuff to him. Connie secretly
laughed to herself.

'Well then we're all plucked apples,' said Hammond, rather acidly and
petulantly.

'So let's make cider of ourselves,' said Charlie.

'But what do you think of Bolshevism?' put in the brown Berry, as if
everything had led up to it.

'Bravo!' roared Charlie. 'What do you think of Bolshevism?'

'Come on! Let's make hay of Bolshevism!' said Dukes.

'I'm afraid Bolshevism is a large question,' said Hammond, shaking his
head seriously.

'Bolshevism, it seems to me,' said Charlie, 'is just a superlative
hatred of the thing they call the bourgeois; and what the bourgeois is,
isn't quite defined. It is Capitalism, among other things. Feelings and
emotions are also so decidedly bourgeois that you have to invent a man
without them.

'Then the individual, especially the PERSONAL man, is bourgeois: so he
must be suppressed. You must submerge yourselves in the greater thing,
the Soviet~ social thing. Even an organism is bourgeois: so the ideal
must be mechanical. The only thing that is a unit, non~ organic,
composed of many different, yet equally essential parts, is the
machine. Each man a machine~ part, and the driving power of the machine,
hate.hate of the bourgeois. That, to me, is Bolshevism.'

'Absolutely!' said Tommy. 'But also, it seems to me a perfect
description of the whole of the industrial ideal. It's the
factory~ owner's ideal in a nut~ shell; except that he would deny that
the driving power was hate. Hate it is, all the same; hate of life
itself. Just look at these Midlands, if it isn't plainly written
up.but it's all part of the life of the mind, it's a logical
development.'

'I deny that Bolshevism is logical, it rejects the major part of the
premisses,' said Hammond.

'My dear man, it allows the material premiss; so does the pure
mind.exclusively.'

'At least Bolshevism has got down to rock bottom,' said Charlie.

'Rock bottom! The bottom that has no bottom! The Bolshevists will have
the finest army in the world in a very short time, with the finest
mechanical equipment.

'But this thing can't go on.this hate business. There must be a
reaction.' said Hammond.

'Well, we've been waiting for years.we wait longer. Hate's a growing
thing like anything else. It's the inevitable outcome of forcing ideas
on to life, of forcing one's deepest instincts; our deepest feelings we
force according to certain ideas. We drive ourselves with a formula,
like a machine. The logical mind pretends to rule the roost, and the
roost turns into pure hate. We're all Bolshevists, only we are
hypocrites. The Russians are Bolshevists without hypocrisy.'

'But there are many other ways,' said Hammond, 'than the Soviet way.
The Bolshevists aren't really intelligent.'

'Of course not. But sometimes it's intelligent to be half~ witted: if
you want to make your end. Personally, I consider Bolshevism
half~ witted; but so do I consider our social life in the west
half~ witted. So I even consider our far~ famed mental life half~ witted.
We're all as cold as cretins, we're all as passionless as idiots. We're
all of us Bolshevists, only we give it another name. We think we're
gods.men like gods! It's just the same as Bolshevism. One has to be
human, and have a heart and a penis if one is going to escape being
either a god or a Bolshevist.for they are the same thing: they're
both too good to be true.'

Out of the disapproving silence came Berry's anxious question:

'You do believe in love then, Tommy, don't you?'

'You lovely lad!' said Tommy. 'No, my cherub, nine times out of ten,
no! Love's another of those half~ witted performances today. Fellows
with swaying waists fucking little jazz girls with small boy buttocks,
like two collar studs! Do you mean that sort of love? Or the
joint~ property, make~ a~ success~ of~ it, My~ husband~ my~ wife sort of love?
No, my fine fellow, I don't believe in it at all!'

'But you do believe in something?'

'Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy
penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say "shit!" in front
of a lady.'

'Well, you've got them all,' said Berry.

Tommy Dukes roared with laughter. 'You angel boy! If only I had! If
only I had! No; my heart's as numb as a potato, my penis droops and
never lifts its head up, I dare rather cut him clean off than say
"shit!" in front of my mother or my aunt.they are real ladies, mind
you; and I'm not really intelligent, I'm only a "mental~ lifer". It
would be wonderful to be intelligent: then one would be alive in all
the parts mentioned and unmentionable. The penis rouses his head and
says: How do you do?~ to any really intelligent person. Renoir said he
painted his pictures with his penis.he did too, lovely pictures! I
wish I did something with mine. God! when one can only talk! Another
torture added to Hades! And Socrates started it.'

'There are nice women in the world,' said Connie, lifting her head up
and speaking at last.

The men resented it. she' should have pretended to hear nothing. They
hated her admitting she' had attended so closely to such talk.

'My God!'

IF THEY BE NOT NICE TO ME WHAT CARE I HOW NICE THEY BE?

'No, it's hopeless! I just simply can't vibrate in unison with a woman.
There's no woman I can really want when I'm faced with her, and I'm not
going to start forcing myself to it.My God, no! I'll remain as I am,
and lead the mental life. It's the only honest thing I can do. I can be
quite happy TALKING to women; but it's all pure, hopelessly pure.
Hopelessly pure! What do you say, Hildebrand, my chicken?'

'It's much less complicated if one stays pure,' said Berry.

'Yes, life is all too simple!'

 
     
     
       
Femme Classic Art     Femme Classic Art
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence  
~Chapter~ 5
 
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence
Love Poems    
Love Poems
Love stories    
Love stories
     
 

On a frosty morning with a little February sun, Clifford and Connie
went for a walk across the park to the wood. That is, Clifford chuffed
in his motor~ chair, and Connie walked beside him.

The hard air was still sulphurous, but they were both used to it. Round
the near horizon went the haze, opalescent with frost and smoke, and on
the top lay the small blue sky; so that it was like being inside an
enclosure, always inside. Life always a dream or a frenzy, inside an
enclosure.

The sheep coughed in the rough, sere grass of the park, where frost lay
bluish in the sockets of the tufts. Across the park ran a path to the
wood~ gate, a fine ribbon of pink. Clifford had had it newly gravelled
with sifted gravel from the pit~ bank. When the rock and refuse of the
underworld had burned and given off its sulphur, it turned bright pink,
shrimp~ coloured on dry days, darker, crab~ coloured on wet. Now it was
pale shrimp~ colour, with a bluish~ white hoar of frost. It always
pleased Connie, this underfoot of sifted, bright pink. It's an ill wind
that brings nobody good.

Clifford steered cautiously down the slope of the knoll from the hall,
and Connie kept her hand on the chair. In front lay the wood, the hazel
thicket nearest, the purplish density of oaks beyond. From the wood's
edge rabbits bobbed and nibbled. Rooks suddenly rose in a black train,
and went trailing off over the little sky.

Connie opened the wood~ gate, and Clifford puffed slowly through into
the broad riding that ran up an incline between the clean~ whipped
thickets of the hazel. The wood was a remnant of the great forest where
Robin Hood hunted, and this riding was an old, old thoroughfare coming
across country. But now, of course, it was only a riding through the
private wood. The road from Mansfield swerved round to the north.

In the wood everything was motionless, the old leaves on the ground
keeping the frost on their underside. A jay called harshly, many little
birds fluttered. But there was no game; no pheasants. They had been
killed off during the war, and the wood had been left unprotected, till
now Clifford had got his game~ keeper again.

Clifford loved the wood; he loved the old oak~ trees. He felt they were
his own through generations. He wanted to protect them. He wanted this
place inviolate, shut off from the world.

The chair chuffed slowly up the incline, rocking and jolting on the
frozen clods. And suddenly, on the left, came a clearing where there
was nothing but a ravel of dead bracken, a thin and spindly sapling
leaning here and there, big sawn stumps, showing their tops and their
grasping roots, lifeless. And patches of blackness where the woodmen
had burned the brushwood and rubbish.

This was one of the places that Sir Geoffrey had cut during the war for
trench timber. The whole knoll, which rose softly on the right of the
riding, was denuded and strangely forlorn. On the crown of the knoll
where the oaks had stood, now was bareness; and from there you could
look out over the trees to the colliery railway, and the new works at
Stacks Gate. Connie had stood and looked, it was a breach in the pure
seclusion of the wood. It let in the world. But she' didn't tell
Clifford.

This denuded place always made Clifford curiously angry. He had been
through the war, had seen what it meant. But he didn't get really angry
till he saw this bare hill. He was having it replanted. But it made him
hate Sir Geoffrey.

Clifford sat with a fixed face as the chair slowly mounted. When they
came to the top of the rise he stopped; he would not risk the long and
very jolty down~ slope. He sat looking at the greenish sweep of the
riding downwards, a clear way through the bracken and oaks. It swerved
at the bottom of the hill and disappeared; but it had such a lovely
easy curve, of knights riding and ladies on palfreys.

'I consider this is really the heart of England,' said Clifford to
Connie, as he sat there in the dim February sunshine.

'Do you?' she' said, seating herself in her blue knitted dress, on a
stump by the path.

'I do! this is the old England, the heart of it; and I intend to keep
it intact.'

'Oh yes!' said Connie. But, as she' said it she' heard the eleven~ o'clock
hooters at Stacks Gate colliery. Clifford was too used to the sound to
notice.

'I want this wood perfect.untouched. I want nobody to trespass in
it,' said Clifford.

There was a certain pathos. The wood still had some of the mystery of
wild, old England; but Sir Geoffrey's cuttings during the war had given
it a blow. How still the trees were, with their crinkly, innumerable
twigs against the sky, and their grey, obstinate trunks rising from the
brown bracken! How safely the birds flitted among them! And once there
had been deer, and archers, and monks padding along on asses. The place
remembered, still remembered.

Clifford sat in the pale sun, with the light on his smooth, rather
blond hair, his reddish full face inscrutable.

'I mind more, not having a son, when I come here, than any other time,'
he said.

'But the wood is older than your family,' said Connie gently.

'Quite!' said Clifford. 'But we've preserved it. Except for us it would
go.it would be gone already, like the rest of the forest. One must
preserve some of the old England!'

'Must one?' said Connie. 'If it has to be preserved, and preserved
against the new England? It's sad, I know.'

'If some of the old England isn't preserved, there'll be no England at
all,' said Clifford. 'And we who have this kind of property, and the
feeling for it, must preserve it.'

There was a sad pause. 'Yes, for a little while,' said Connie.

'For a little while! It's all we can do. We can only do our bit. I feel
every man of my family has done his bit here, since we've had the
place. One may go against convention, but one must keep up tradition.'
Again there was a pause.

'What tradition?' asked Connie.

'The tradition of England! of this!'

'Yes,' she' said slowly.

'That's why having a son helps; one is only a link in a chain,' he
said.

Connie was not keen on chains, but she' said nothing. She was thinking
of the curious impersonality of his desire for a son.

'I'm sorry we can't have a son,' she' said.

He looked at her steadily, with his full, pale~ blue eyes.

'It would almost be a good thing if you had a child by another man, he
said. 'If we brought it up at Wragby, it would belong to us and to the
place. I don't believe very intensely in fatherhood. If we had the
child to rear, it would be our own, and it would carry on. Don't you
think it's worth considering?'

Connie looked up at him at last. The child, her child, was just an 'it'
to him. It.it.it!

'But what about the other man?' she' asked.

'Does it matter very much? Do these things really affect us very
deeply?.You had that lover in Germany.what is it now? Nothing
almost. It seems to me that it isn't these little acts and little
connexions we make in our lives that matter so very much. They pass
away, and where are they? Where.Where are the snows of
yesteryear?.It's what endures through one's life that matters; my own
life matters to me, in its long continuance and development. But what
do the occasional connexions matter? And the occasional sexual
connexions especially! If people don't exaggerate them ridiculously,
they pass like the mating of birds. And so they should. What does it
matter? It's the life~ long companionship that matters. It's the living
together from day to day, not the sleeping together once or twice. You
and I are married, no matter what happens to us. We have the habit of
each other. And habit, to my thinking, is more vital than any
occasional excitement. The long, slow, enduring thing.that's what we
live by.not the occasional spasm of any sort. Little by little,
living together, two people fall into a sort of unison, they vibrate so
intricately to one another. That's the real secret of marriage, not
sex; at least not the simple function of sex. You and I are interwoven
in a marriage. If we stick to that we ought to be able to arrange this
sex thing, as we arrange going to the dentist; since fate has given us
a checkmate physically there.'

Connie sat and listened in a sort of wonder, and a sort of fear. She
did not know if he was right or not. There was Michaelis, whom she'
loved; so she' said to herself. But her love was somehow only an
excursion from her marriage with Clifford; the long, slow habit of
intimacy, formed through years of suffering and patience. Perhaps the
human soul needs excursions, and must not be denied them. But the point
of an excursion is that you come home again.

'And wouldn't you mind WHAT man's child I had?' she' asked.

'Why, Connie, I should trust your natural instinct of decency and
selection. You just wouldn't let the wrong sort of fellow touch you.'

She thought of Michaelis! He was absolutely Clifford's idea of the
wrong sort of fellow.

'But men and women may have different feelings about the wrong sort of
fellow,' she' said.

'No,' he replied. 'You care for me. I don't believe you would ever care
for a man who was purely antipathetic to me. Your rhythm wouldn't let
you.'

She was silent. Logic might be unanswerable because it was so
absolutely wrong.

'And should you expect me to tell you?' she' asked, glancing up at him
almost furtively.

'Not at all, I'd better not know.But you do agree with me, don't you,
that the casual sex thing is nothing, compared to the long life lived
together? Don't you think one can just subordinate the sex thing to the
necessities of a long life? Just use it, since that's what we're driven
to? After all, do these temporary excitements matter? Isn't the whole
problem of life the slow building up of an integral personality,
through the years? living an integrated life? There's no point in a
disintegrated life. If lack of sex is going to disintegrate you, then
go out and have a love~ affair. If lack of a child is going to
disintegrate you, then have a child if you possibly can. But only do
these things so that you have an integrated life, that makes a long
harmonious thing. And you and I can do that together.don't you
think?.if we adapt ourselves to the necessities, and at the same time
weave the adaptation together into a piece with our steadily~ lived
life. Don't you agree?'

Connie was a little overwhelmed by his words. She knew he was right
theoretically. But when she' actually touched her steadily~ lived life
with him she'.hesitated. Was it actually her destiny to go on weaving
herself into his life all the rest of her life? Nothing else?

Was it just that? She was to be content to weave a steady life with
him, all one fabric, but perhaps brocaded with the occasional flower of
an adventure. But how could she' know what she' would feel next year? How
could one ever know? How could one say Yes? for years and years? The
little yes, gone on a breath! Why should one be pinned down by that
butterfly word? Of course it had to flutter away and be gone, to be
followed by other yes's and no's! Like the straying of butterflies.

'I think you're right, Clifford. And as far as I can see I agree with
you. Only life may turn quite a new face on it all.'

'But until life turns a new face on it all, you do agree?'

'Oh yes! I think I do, really.'

She was watching a brown spaniel that had run out of a side~ path, and
was looking towards them with lifted nose, making a soft, fluffy bark.
A man with a gun strode swiftly, softly out after the dog, facing their
way as if about to attack them; then stopped instead, saluted, and was
turning downhill. It was only the new game~ keeper, but he had
frightened Connie, he seemed to emerge with such a swift menace. That
was how she' had seen him, like the sudden rush of a threat out of
nowhere.

He was a man in dark green velveteens and gaiters.the old style, with
a red face and red moustache and distant eyes. He was going quickly
downhill.

'Mellors!' called Clifford.

The man faced lightly round, and saluted with a quick little gesture, a
soldier!

'Will you turn the chair round and get it started? That makes it
easier,' said Clifford.

The man at once slung his gun over his shoulder, and came forward with
the same curious swift, yet soft movements, as if keeping invisible. He
was moderately tall and lean, and was silent. He did not look at Connie
at all, only at the chair.

'Connie, this is the new game~ keeper, Mellors. You haven't spoken to
her ladyship yet, Mellors?'

'No, Sir!' came the ready, neutral words.

The man lifted his hat as he stood, showing his thick, almost fair
hair. He stared straight into Connie's eyes, with a perfect, fearless,
impersonal look, as if he wanted to see what she' was like. He made her
feel shy. She bent her head to him shyly, and he changed his hat to his
left hand and made her a slight bow, like a gentleman; but he said
nothing at all. He remained for a moment still, with his hat in his
hand.

'But you've been here some time, haven't you?' Connie said to him.

'Eight months, Madam.your Ladyship!' he corrected himself calmly.

'And do you like it?'

She looked him in the eyes. His eyes narrowed a little, with irony,
perhaps with impudence.

'Why, yes, thank you, your Ladyship! I was reared here.'

He gave another slight bow, turned, put his hat on, and strode to take
hold of the chair. His voice on the last words had fallen into the
heavy broad drag of the dialect.perhaps also in mockery, because
there had been no trace of dialect before. He might almost be a
gentleman. Anyhow, he was a curious, quick, separate fellow, alone, but
sure of himself.

Clifford started the little engine, the man carefully turned the chair,
and set it nose~ forwards to the incline that curved gently to the dark
hazel thicket.

'Is that all then, Sir Clifford?' asked the man.

'No, you'd better come along in case she' sticks. The engine isn't
really strong enough for the uphill work.' The man glanced round for
his dog.a thoughtful glance. The spaniel looked at him and faintly
moved its tail. A little smile, mocking or teasing her, yet gentle,
came into his eyes for a moment, then faded away, and his face was
expressionless. They went fairly quickly down the slope, the man with
his hand on the rail of the chair, steadying it. He looked like a free
soldier rather than a servant. And something about him reminded Connie
of Tommy Dukes.

When they came to the hazel grove, Connie suddenly ran forward, and
opened the gate into the park. As she' stood holding it, the two men
looked at her in passing, Clifford critically, the other man with a
curious, cool wonder; impersonally wanting to see what she' looked like.
And she' saw in his blue, impersonal eyes a look of suffering and
detachment, yet a certain warmth. But why was he so aloof, apart?

Clifford stopped the chair, once through the gate, and the man came
quickly, courteously, to close it.

'Why did you run to open?' asked Clifford in his quiet, calm voice,
that showed he was displeased. 'Mellors would have done it.'

'I thought you would go straight ahead,' said Connie.

'And leave you to run after us?' said Clifford.

'Oh, well, I like to run sometimes!'

Mellors took the chair again, looking perfectly unheeding, yet Connie
felt he noted everything. As he pushed the chair up the steepish rise
of the knoll in the park, he breathed rather quickly, through parted
lips. He was rather frail really. Curiously full of vitality, but a
little frail and quenched. Her woman's instinct sensed it.

Connie fell back, let the chair go on. The day had greyed over; the
small blue sky that had poised low on its circular rims of haze was
closed in again, the lid was down, there was a raw coldness. It was
going to snow. All grey, all grey! the world looked worn out.

The chair waited at the top of the pink path. Clifford looked round for
Connie.

'Not tired, are you?' he said.

'Oh, no!' she' said.

But she' was. A strange, weary yearning, a dissatisfaction had started
in her. Clifford did not notice: those were not things he was aware of.
But the stranger knew. To Connie, everything in her world and life
seemed worn out, and her dissatisfaction was older than the hills.

They came to the house, and around to the back, where there were no
steps. Clifford managed to swing himself over on to the low, wheeled
house~ chair; he was very strong and agile with his arms. Then Connie
lifted the burden of his dead legs after him.

The keeper, waiting at attention to be dismissed, watched everything
narrowly, missing nothing. He went pale, with a sort of fear, when he
saw Connie lifting the inert legs of the man in her arms, into the
other chair, Clifford pivoting round as she' did so. He was frightened.

'Thanks, then, for the help, Mellors,' said Clifford casually, as he
began to wheel down the passage to the servants' quarters.

'Nothing else, Sir?' came the neutral voice, like one in a dream.

'Nothing, good morning!'

'Good morning, Sir.'

'Good morning! it was kind of you to push the chair up that hill.I
hope it wasn't heavy for you,' said Connie, looking back at the keeper
outside the door.

His eyes came to hers in an instant, as if wakened up. He was aware of
her.

'Oh no, not heavy!' he said quickly. Then his voice dropped again into
the broad sound of the vernacular: 'Good mornin' to your Ladyship!'

'Who is your game~ keeper?' Connie asked at lunch.

'Mellors! You saw him,' said Clifford.

'Yes, but where did he come from?'

'Nowhere! He was a Tevershall boy.son of a collier, I believe.'

'And was he a collier himself?'

'Blacksmith on the pit~ bank, I believe: overhead smith. But he was
keeper here for two years before the war.before he joined up. My
father always had a good opinion of him, so when he came back, and went
to the pit for a blacksmith's job, I just took him back here as keeper.
I was really very glad to get him.its almost impossible to find a
good man round here for a gamekeeper.and it needs a man who knows the
people.'

'And isn't he married?'

'He was. But his wife went off with.with various men.but finally
with a collier at Stacks Gate, and I believe she''s living there still.'

'So this man is alone?'

'More or less! He has a mother in the village.and a child, I
believe.'

Clifford looked at Connie, with his pale, slightly prominent blue eyes,
in which a certain vagueness was coming. He seemed alert in the
foreground, but the background was like the Midlands atmosphere, haze,
smoky mist. And the haze seemed to be creeping forward. So when he
stared at Connie in his peculiar way, giving her his peculiar, precise
information, she' felt all the background of his mind filling up with
mist, with nothingness. And it frightened her. It made him seem
impersonal, almost to idiocy.

And dimly she' realized one of the great laws of the human soul: that
when the emotional soul receives a wounding shock, which does not kill
the body, the soul seems to recover as the body recovers. But this is
only appearance. It is really only the mechanism of the re~ assumed
habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to the soul begins to make itself felt,
like a bruise, which only slowly deepens its terrible ache, till it
fills all the psyche. And when we think we have recovered and
forgotten, it is then that the terrible after~ effects have to be
encountered at their worst.

So it was with Clifford. Once he was 'well', once he was back at
Wragby, and writing his stories, and feeling sure of life, in spite of
all, he seemed to forget, and to have recovered all his equanimity. But
now, as the years went by, slowly, slowly, Connie felt the bruise of
fear and horror coming up, and spreading in him. For a time it had been
so deep as to be numb, as it were non~ existent. Now slowly it began to
assert itself in a spread of fear, almost paralysis. Mentally he still
was alert. But the paralysis, the bruise of the too~ great shock, was
gradually spreading in his affective self.

And as it spread in him, Connie felt it spread in her. An inward dread,
an emptiness, an indifference to everything gradually spread in her
soul. When Clifford was roused, he could still talk brilliantly and, as
it were, command the future: as when, in the wood, he talked about her
having a child, and giving an heir to Wragby. But the day after, all
the brilliant words seemed like dead leaves, crumpling up and turning
to powder, meaning really nothing, blown away on any gust of wind. They
were not the leafy words of an effective life, young with energy and
belonging to the tree. They were the hosts of fallen leaves of a life
that is ineffectual.

So it seemed to her everywhere. The colliers at Tevershall were talking
again of a strike, and it seemed to Connie there again it was not a
manifestation of energy, it was the bruise of the war that had been in
abeyance, slowly rising to the surface and creating the great ache of
unrest, and stupor of discontent. The bruise was deep, deep, deep.the
bruise of the false inhuman war. It would take many years for the
living blood of the generations to dissolve the vast black clot of
bruised blood, deep inside their souls and bodies. And it would need a
new hope.

Poor Connie! As the years drew on it was the fear of nothingness In her
life that affected her. Clifford's mental life and hers gradually began
to feel like nothingness. Their marriage, their integrated life based
on a habit of intimacy, that he talked about: there were days when it
all became utterly blank and nothing. It was words, just so many words.
The only reality was nothingness, and over it a hypocrisy of words.

There was Clifford's success: the bitch~ goddess! It was true he was
almost famous, and his books brought him in a thousand pounds. His
photograph appeared everywhere. There was a bust of him in one of the
galleries, and a portrait of him in two galleries. He seemed the most
modern of modern voices. With his uncanny lame instinct for publicity,
he had become in four or five years one of the best known of the young
'intellectuals'. Where the intellect came in, Connie did not quite see.
Clifford was really clever at that slightly humorous analysis of people
and motives which leaves everything in bits at the end. But it was
rather like puppies tearing the sofa cushions to bits; except that it
was not young and playful, but curiously old, and rather obstinately
conceited. It was weird and it was nothing. This was the feeling that
echoed and re~ echoed at the bottom of Connie's soul: it was all flag, a
wonderful display of nothingness; At the same time a display. A
display! a display! a display!

Michaelis had seized upon Clifford as the central figure for a play;
already he had sketched in the plot, and written the first act. For
Michaelis was even better than Clifford at making a display of
nothingness. It was the last bit of passion left in these men: the
passion for making a display. Sexually they were passionless, even
dead. And now it was not money that Michaelis was after. Clifford had
never been primarily out for money, though he made it where he could,
for money is the seal and stamp of success. And success was what they
wanted. They wanted, both of them, to make a real display.a man's own
very display of himself that should capture for a time the vast
populace.

It was strange.the prostitution to the bitch~ goddess. To Connie,
since she' was really outside of it, and since she' had grown numb to the
thrill of it, it was again nothingness. Even the prostitution to the
bitch~ goddess was nothingness, though the men prostituted themselves
innumerable times. Nothingness even that.

Michaelis wrote to Clifford about the play. Of course she' knew about it
long ago. And Clifford was again thrilled. He was going to be displayed
again this time, somebody was going to display him, and to advantage.
He invited Michaelis down to Wragby with Act I.

Michaelis came: in summer, in a pale~ coloured suit and white suede
gloves, with mauve orchids for Connie, very lovely, and Act I was a
great success. Even Connie was thrilled.thrilled to what bit of
marrow she' had left. And Michaelis, thrilled by his power to thrill,
was really wonderful.and quite beautiful, in Connie's eyes. She saw
in him that ancient motionlessness of a race that can't be
disillusioned any more, an extreme, perhaps, of impurity that is pure.
On the far side of his supreme prostitution to the bitch~ goddess he
seemed pure, pure as an African ivory mask that dreams impurity into
purity, in its ivory curves and planes.

His moment of sheer thrill with the two Chatterleys, when he simply
carried Connie and Clifford away, was one of the supreme moments of
Michaelis' life. He had succeeded: he had carried them away. Even
Clifford was temporarily in love with him.if that is the way one can
put it.

So next morning Mick was more uneasy than ever; restless, devoured,
with his hands restless in his trousers pockets. Connie had not visited
him in the night.and he had not known where to find her.
Coquetry!.at his moment of triumph.

He went up to her sitting~ room in the morning. She knew he would come.
And his restlessness was evident. He asked her about his play.did she'
think it good? He had to hear it praised: that affected him with the
last thin thrill of passion beyond any sexual orgasm. And she' praised
it rapturously. Yet all the while, at the bottom of her soul, she' knew
it was nothing.

'Look here!' he said suddenly at last. 'Why don't you and I make a
clean thing of it? Why don't we marry?'

'But I am married,' she' said, amazed, and yet feeling nothing.

'Oh that!.he'll divorce you all right.Why don't you and I marry? I
want to marry. I know it would be the best thing for me.marry and
lead a regular life. I lead the deuce of a life, simply tearing myself
to pieces. Look here, you and I, we're made for one another.hand and
glove. Why don't we marry? Do you see any reason why we shouldn't?'

Connie looked at him amazed: and yet she' felt nothing. These men, they
were all alike, they left everything out. They just went off from the
top of their heads as if they were squibs, and expected you to be
carried heavenwards along with their own thin sticks.

'But I am married already,' she' said. 'I can't leave Clifford, you
know.'

'Why not? but why not?' he cried. 'He'll hardly know you've gone, after
six months. He doesn't know that anybody exists, except himself. Why
the man has no use for you at all, as far as I can see; he's entirely
wrapped up in himself.'

Connie felt there was truth in this. But she' also felt that Mick was
hardly making a display of selflessness.

'Aren't all men wrapped up in themselves?' she' asked.

'Oh, more or less, I allow. A man's got to be, to get through. But
that's not the point. The point is, what sort of a time can a man give
a woman? Can he give her a damn good time, or can't he? If he can't
he's no right to the woman.' He paused and gazed at her with his
full, hazel eyes, almost hypnotic. 'Now I consider,' he added, 'I can
give a woman the darndest good time she' can ask for. I think I can
guarantee myself.'

'And what sort of a good time?' asked Connie, gazing on him still with
a sort of amazement, that looked like thrill; and underneath feeling
nothing at all.

'Every sort of a good time, damn it, every sort! Dress, jewels up to a
point, any nightclub you like, know anybody you want to know, live the
pace.travel and be somebody wherever you go.Darn it, every sort of
good time.'

He spoke it almost in a brilliancy of triumph, and Connie looked at him
as if dazzled, and really feeling nothing at all. Hardly even the
surface of her mind was tickled at the glowing prospects he offered
her. Hardly even her most outside self responded, that at any other
time would have been thrilled. She just got no feeling from it, she'
couldn't 'go off'. She just sat and stared and looked dazzled, and felt
nothing, only somewhere she' smelt the extraordinarily unpleasant smell
of the bitch~ goddess.

Mick sat on tenterhooks, leaning forward in his chair, glaring at her
almost hysterically: and whether he was more anxious out of vanity for
her to say Yes! or whether he was more panic~ stricken for fear she'
SHOULD say Yes!~ who can tell?

'I should have to think about it,' she' said. 'I couldn't say now. It
may seem to you Clifford doesn't count, but he does. When you think how
disabled he is.'

'Oh damn it all! If a fellow's going to trade on his disabilities, I
might begin to say how lonely I am, and always have been, and all the
rest of the my~ eye~ Betty~ Martin sob~ stuff! Damn it all, if a fellow's
got nothing but disabilities to recommend him.'

He turned aside, working his hands furiously in his trousers pockets.
That evening he said to her:

'You're coming round to my room tonight, aren't you? I don't darn know
where your room is.'

'All right!' she' said.

He was a more excited lover that night, with his strange, small boy's
frail nakedness. Connie found it impossible to come to her crisis
before he had really finished his. And he roused a certain craving
passion in her, with his little boy's nakedness and softness; she' had
to go on after he had finished, in the wild tumult and heaving of her
loins, while he heroically kept himself up, and present in her, with
all his will and self~ offering, till she' brought about her own crisis,
with weird little cries.

When at last he drew away from her, he said, in a bitter, almost
sneering little voice:

'You couldn't go off at the same time as a man, could you? You'd have
to bring yourself off! You'd have to run the show!'

This little speech, at the moment, was one of the shocks of her life.
Because that passive sort of giving himself was so obviously his only
real mode of intercourse.

'What do you mean?' she' said.

'You know what I mean. You keep on for hours after I've gone off.and
I have to hang on with my teeth till you bring yourself off by your own
exertions.'

She was stunned by this unexpected piece of brutality, at the moment
when she' was glowing with a sort of pleasure beyond words, and a sort
of love for him. Because, after all, like so many modern men, he was
finished almost before he had begun. And that forced the woman to be
active.

'But you want me to go on, to get my own satisfaction?' she' said.

He laughed grimly: 'I want it!' he said. 'That's good! I want to hang
on with my teeth clenched, while you go for me!'

'But don't you?' she' insisted.

He avoided the question. 'All the darned women are like that,' he said.
'Either they don't go off at all, as if they were dead in there.or
else they wait till a chap's really done, and then they start in to
bring themselves off, and a chap's got to hang on. I never had a woman
yet who went off just at the same moment as I did.'

Connie only half heard this piece of novel, masculine information. She
was only stunned by his feeling against her.his incomprehensible
brutality. She felt so innocent.

'But you want me to have my satisfaction too, don't you?' she' repeated.

'Oh, all right! I'm quite willing. But I'm darned if hanging on waiting
for a woman to go off is much of a game for a man.'

This speech was one of the crucial blows of Connie's life. It killed
something in her. She had not been so very keen on Michaelis; till he
started it, she' did not want him. It was as if she' never positively
wanted him. But once he had started her, it seemed only natural for her
to come to her own crisis with him. Almost she' had loved him for
it.almost that night she' loved him, and wanted to marry him.

Perhaps instinctively he knew it, and that was why he had to bring down
the whole show with a smash; the house of cards. Her whole sexual
feeling for him, or for any man, collapsed that night. Her life fell
apart from his as completely as if he had never existed.

And she' went through the days drearily. There was nothing now but this
empty treadmill of what Clifford called the integrated life, the long
living together of two people, who are in the habit of being in the
same house with one another.

Nothingness! To accept the great nothingness of life seemed to be the
one end of living. All the many busy and important little things that
make up the grand sum~ total of nothingness!

 
     
     
       
Femme Classic Art     Femme Classic Art
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence  
~Chapter~ 6
 
Lady Chatterly's Lover D H Lawrence
Love Poems    
Love Poems
Love stories    
Love stories
     
 

 

'Why don't men and women really like one another nowadays?' Connie
asked Tommy Dukes, who was more or less her oracle.

'Oh, but they do! I don't think since the human species was invented,
there has ever been a time when men and women have liked one another as
much as they do today. Genuine liking! Take myself. I really like women
better than men; they are braver, one can be more frank with them.'

Connie pondered this.

'Ah, yes, but you never have anything to do with them!' she' said.

'I? What am I doing but talking perfectly sincerely to a woman at this
moment?'

'Yes, talking.'

'And what more could I do if you were a man, than talk perfectly
sincerely to you?'

'Nothing perhaps. But a woman.'

'A woman wants you to like her and talk to her, and at the same time
love her and desire her; and it seems to me the two things are mutually
exclusive.'

'But they shouldn't be!'

'No doubt water ought not to be so wet as it is; it overdoes it in
wetness. But there it is! I like women and talk to them, and therefore
I don't love them and desire them. The two things don't happen at the
same time in me.'

'I think they ought to.'

'All right. The fact that things ought to be something else than what
they are, is not my department.

Connie considered this. 'It isn't true,' she' said. 'Men can love women
and talk to them. I don't see how they can love them WITHOUT talking,
and being friendly and intimate. How can they?'

'Well,' he said, 'I don't know. What's the use of my generalizing? I
only know my own case. I like women, but I don't desire them. I like
talking to them; but talking to them, though it makes me intimate in
one direction, sets me poles apart from them as far as kissing is
concerned. So there you are! But don't take me as a general example,
probably I'm just a special case: one of the men who like women, but
don't love women, and even hate them if they force me into a pretence
of love, or an entangled appearance.

'But doesn't it make you sad?'

'Why should it? Not a bit! I look at Charlie May, and the rest of the
men who have affairs.No, I don't envy them a bit! If fate sent me a
woman I wanted, well and good. Since I don't know any woman I want, and
never see one.why, I presume I'm cold, and really LIKE some women
very much.'

'Do you like me?'

'Very much! And you see there's no question of kissing between us, is
there?'

'None at all!' said Connie. 'But oughtn't there to be?'

'WHY, in God's name? I like Clifford, but what would you say if I went
and kissed him?'

'But isn't there a difference?'

'Where does it lie, as far as we're concerned? We're all intelligent
human beings, and the male and female business is in abeyance. Just in
abeyance. How would you like me to start acting up like a continental
male at this moment, and parading the sex thing?'

'I should hate it.'

'Well then! I tell you, if I'm really a male thing at all, I never run
across the female of my species. And I don't miss her, I just like
women. Who's going to force me into loving or pretending to love them,
working up the sex game?'

'No, I'm not. But isn't something wrong?'

'You may feel it, I don't.'

'Yes, I feel something is wrong between men and women. A woman has no
glamour for a man any more.'

'Has a man for a woman?'

She pondered the other side of the question.

'Not much,' she' said truthfully.

'Then let's leave it all alone, and just be decent and simple, like
proper human beings with one another. Be damned to the artificial
sex~ compulsion! I refuse it!'

Connie knew he was right, really. Yet it left her feeling so forlorn,
so forlorn and stray. Like a chip on a dreary pond, she' felt. What was
the point, of her or anything?

It was her youth which rebelled. These men seemed so old and cold.
Everything seemed old and cold. And Michaelis let one down so; he was
no good. The men didn't want one; they just didn't really want a woman,
even Michaelis didn't.

And the bounders who pretended they did, and started working the sex
game, they were worse than ever.

It was just dismal, and one had to put up with it. It was quite true,
men had no real glamour for a woman: if you could fool yourself into
thinking they had, even as she' had fooled herself over Michaelis, that
was the best you could do. Meanwhile you just lived on and there was
nothing to it. She understood perfectly well why people had cocktail
parties, and jazzed, and Charlestoned till they were ready to drop. You
had to take it out some way or other, your youth, or it ate you up. But
what a ghastly thing, this youth! You felt as old as Methuselah, and
yet the thing fizzed somehow, and didn't let you be comfortable. A mean
sort of life! And no prospect! She almost wished she' had gone off with
Mick, and made her life one long cocktail party, and jazz evening.
Anyhow that was better than just mooning yourself into the grave.

On one of her bad days she' went out alone to walk in the wood,
ponderously, heeding nothing, not even noticing where she' was. The
report of a gun not far off startled and angered her.

Then, as she' went, she' heard voices, and recoiled. People! She didn't
want people. But her quick ear caught another sound, and she' roused; it
was a child sobbing. At once she' attended; someone was ill~ treating a
child. She strode swinging down the wet drive, her sullen resentment
uppermost. She felt just prepared to make a scene.

Turning the corner, she' saw two figures in the drive beyond her: the
keeper, and a little girl in a purple coat and moleskin cap, crying.

'Ah, shut it up, tha false little bitch!' came the man's angry voice,
and the child sobbed louder.

Constance strode nearer, with blazing eyes. The man turned and looked
at her, saluting coolly, but he was pale with anger.

'What's the matter? Why is she' crying?' demanded Constance, peremptory
but a little breathless.

A faint smile like a sneer came on the man's face. 'Nay, yo mun ax
'er,' he replied callously, in broad vernacular.

Connie felt as if he had hit her in the face, and she' changed colour.
Then she' gathered her defiance, and looked at him, her dark blue eyes
blazing rather vaguely.

'I asked YOU,' she' panted.

He gave a queer little bow, lifting his hat. 'You did, your Ladyship,'
he said; then, with a return to the vernacular: 'but I canna tell yer.'
And he became a soldier, inscrutable, only pale with annoyance.

Connie turned to the child, a ruddy, black~ haired thing of nine or ten.
'What is it, dear? Tell me why you're crying!' she' said, with the
conventionalized sweetness suitable. More violent sobs, self~ conscious.
Still more sweetness on Connie's part.

'There, there, don't you cry! Tell me what they've done to you!'.an
intense tenderness of tone. At the same time she' felt in the pocket of
her knitted jacket, and luckily found a sixpence.

'Don't you cry then!' she' said, bending in front of the child. 'See
what I've got for you!'

Sobs, snuffles, a fist taken from a blubbered face, and a black shrewd
eye cast for a second on the sixpence. Then more sobs, but subduing.
'There, tell me what's the matter, tell me!' said Connie, putting the
coin into the child's chubby hand, which closed over it.

'It's the.it's the.pussy!'

Shudders of subsiding sobs.

'What pussy, dear?'

After a silence the shy fist, clenching on sixpence, pointed into the
bramble brake.

'There!'

Connie looked, and there, sure enough, was a big black cat, stretched
out grimly, with a bit of blood on it.

'Oh!' she' said in repulsion.

'A poacher, your Ladyship,' said the man satirically.

She glanced at him angrily. 'No wonder the child cried,' she' said, 'if
you shot it when she' was there. No wonder she' cried!'

He looked into Connie's eyes, laconic, contemptuous, not hiding his
feelings. And again Connie flush ed; she' felt she' had been making a
scene, the man did not respect her.

'What is your name?' she' said playfully to the child. 'Won't you tell
me your name?'

Sniffs; then very affectedly in a piping voice: 'Connie Mellors!'

'Connie Mellors! Well, that's a nice name! And did you come out with
your Daddy, and he shot a pussy? But it was a bad pussy!'

The child looked at her, with bold, dark eyes of scrutiny, sizing her
up, and her condolence.

'I wanted to stop with my Gran,' said the little girl.

'Did you? But where is your Gran?'

The child lifted an arm, pointing down the drive. 'At th' cottidge.'

'At the cottage! And would you like to go back to her?'

Sudden, shuddering quivers of reminiscent sobs. 'Yes!'

'Come then, shall I take you? Shall I take you to your Gran? Then your
Daddy can do what he has to do.' She turned to the man. 'It is your
little girl, isn't it?'

He saluted, and made a slight movement of the head in affirmation.

'I suppose I can take her to the cottage?' asked Connie.

'If your Ladyship wishes.'

Again he looked into her eyes, with that calm, searching detached
glance. A man very much alone, and on his own.

'Would you like to come with me to the cottage, to your Gran, dear?'

The child peeped up again. 'Yes!' she' simpered.

Connie disliked her; the spoilt, false little female. Nevertheless she'
wiped her face and took her hand. The keeper saluted in silence.

'Good morning!' said Connie.

It was nearly a mile to the cottage, and Connie senior was well bored by
Connie junior by the time the game~ keeper's picturesque little home was
in sight. The child was already as full to the brim with tricks as a
little monkey, and so self~ assured.

At the cottage the door stood open, and there was a rattling heard
inside. Connie lingered, the child slipped her hand, and ran indoors.

'Gran! Gran!'

'Why, are yer back a'ready!'

The grandmother had been blackleading the stove, it was Saturday
morning. She came to the door in her sacking apron, a blacklead~ brush
in her hand, and a black smudge on her nose. She was a little, rather
dry woman.

'Why, whatever?' she' said, hastily wiping her arm across her face as
she' saw Connie standing outside.

'Good morning!' said Connie. 'She was crying, so I just brought her
home.'

The grandmother looked around swiftly at the child:

'Why, wheer was yer Dad?'

The little girl clung to her grandmother's skirts and simpered.

'He was there,' said Connie, 'but he'd shot a poaching cat, and the
child was upset.'

'Oh, you'd no right t'ave bothered, Lady Chatterley, I'm sure! I'm sure
it was very good of you, but you shouldn't 'ave bothered. Why, did ever
you see!'~ and the old woman turned to the child: 'Fancy Lady
Chatterley takin' all that trouble over yer! Why, she' shouldn't 'ave
bothered!'

'It was no bother, just a walk,' said Connie smiling.

'Why, I'm sure 'twas very kind of you, I must say! So she' was crying! I
knew there'd be something afore they got far. She's frightened of 'im,
that's wheer it is. Seems 'e's almost a stranger to 'er, fair a
stranger, and I don't think they're two as'd hit it off very easy. He's
got funny ways.'

Connie didn't know what to say.

'Look, Gran!' simpered the child.

The old woman looked down at the sixpence in the little girl's hand.

'An' sixpence an' all! Oh, your Ladyship, you shouldn't, you shouldn't.
Why, isn't Lady Chatterley good to yer! My word, you're a lucky girl
this morning!'

She pronounced the name, as all the people did: Chat'ley.~ Isn't Lady
Chat'ley GOOD to you!'~ Connie couldn't help looking at the old woman's
nose, and the latter again vaguely wiped her face with the back of her
wrist, but missed the smudge.

Connie was moving away 'Well, thank you ever so much, Lady Chat'ley,
I'm sure. Say thank you to Lady Chat'ley!'~ this last to the child.

'Thank you,' piped the child.

'There's a dear!' laughed Connie, and she' moved away, saying 'Good
morning', heartily relieved to get away from the contact.

Curious, she' thought, that that thin, proud man should have that
little, sharp woman for a mother!

And the old woman, as soon as Connie had gone, rushed to the bit of
mirror in the scullery, and looked at her face. Seeing it, she' stamped
her foot with impatience. 'Of COURSE she' had to catch me in my coarse
apron, and a dirty face! Nice idea she''d get of me!'

Connie went slowly home to Wragby. 'Home!'.it was a warm word to use
for that great, weary warren. But then it was a word that had had its
day. It was somehow cancelled. All the great words, it seemed to
Connie, were cancelled for her generation: love, joy, happiness, home,
mother, father, husband, all these great, dynamic words were half dead
now, and dying from day to day. Home was a place you lived in, love was
a thing you didn't fool yourself about, joy was a word you applied to a
good Charleston, happiness was a term of hypocrisy used to bluff other
people, a father was an individual who enjoyed his own existence, a
husband was a man you lived with and kept going in spirits. As for sex,
the last of the great words, it was just a cocktail term for an
excitement that bucked you up for a while, then left you more raggy
than ever. Frayed! It was as if the very material you were made of was
cheap stuff, and was fraying out to nothing.

All that really remained was a stubborn stoicism: and in that there was
a certain pleasure. In the very experience of the nothingness of life,
phase after phase, ÉTAPE after ÉTAPE, there was a certain grisly
satisfaction. So that's THAT! Always this was the last utterance: home,
love, marriage, Michaelis: So that's THAT! And when one died, the last
words to life would be: So that's THAT!

Money? Perhaps one couldn't say the same there. Money one always
wanted. Money, Success, the bitch~ goddess, as Tommy Dukes persisted in
calling it, after Henry James, that was a permanent necessity. You
couldn't spend your last sou, and say finally: So that's THAT! No, if
you lived even another ten minutes, you wanted a few more sous for
something or other. Just to keep the business mechanically going, you
needed money. You had to have it. Money you HAVE to have. You needn't
really have anything else. So that's that!

Since, of course, it's not your own fault you are alive. Once you are
alive, money is a necessity, and the only absolute necessity. All the
rest you can get along without, at a pinch. But not money.
Emphatically, that's THAT!

She thought of Michaelis, and the money she' might have had with him;
and even that she' didn't want. She preferred the lesser amount which
she' helped Clifford to make by his writing. That she' actually helped to
make.~ 'Clifford and I together, we make twelve hundred a year out of
writing'; so she' put it to herself. Make money! Make it! Out of
nowhere. Wring it out of the thin air! The last feat to be humanly
proud of! The rest all~ my~ eye~ Betty~ Martin.

So she' plodded home to Clifford, to join forces with him again, to make
another story out of nothingness: and a story meant money. Clifford
seemed to care very much whether his stories were considered
first~ class literature or not. Strictly, she' didn't care. Nothing in
it! said her father. Twelve hundred pounds last year! was the retort
simple and final.

If you were young, you just set your teeth, and bit on and held on,
till the money began to flow from the invisible; it was a question of
power. It was a question of will; a subtle, subtle, powerful emanation
of will out of yourself brought back to you the mysterious nothingness
of money a word on a bit of paper. It was a sort of magic, certainly it
was triumph. The bitch~ goddess! Well, if one had to prostitute oneself,
let it be to a bitch~ goddess! One could always despise her even while
one prostituted oneself to her, which was good.

Clifford, of course, had still many childish taboos and fetishes. He
wanted to be thought 'really good', which was all cock~ a~ hoopy
nonsense. What was really good was what actually caught on. It was no
good being really good and getting left with it. It seemed as if most
of the 'really good' men just missed the bus. After all you only lived
one life, and if you missed the bus, you were just left on the
pavement, along with the rest of the failures.

Connie was contemplating a winter in London with Clifford, next winter.
He and she' had caught the bus all right, so they might as well ride on
top for a bit, and show it.

The worst of it was, Clifford tended to become vague, absent, and to
fall into fits of vacant depression. It was the wound to his psyche
coming out. But it made Connie want to scream. Oh God, if the mechanism
of the consciousness itself was going to go wrong, then what was one to
do? Hang it all, one did one's bit! Was one to be let down ABSOLUTELY?

Sometimes she' wept bitterly, but even as she' wept she' was saying to
herself: Silly fool, wetting hankies! As if that would get you
anywhere!

Since Michaelis, she' had made up her mind she' wanted nothing. That
seemed the simplest solution of the otherwise insoluble. She wanted
nothing more than what she''d got; only she' wanted to get ahead with
what she''d got: Clifford, the stories, Wragby, the Lady~ Chatterley
business, money and fame, such as it was. she' wanted to go ahead with
it all. Love, sex, all that sort of stuff, just water~ ices! Lick it up
and forget it. If you don't hang on to it in your mind, it's nothing.
Sex especially.nothing! Make up your mind to it, and you've solved
the problem. Sex and a cocktail: they both lasted about as long, had
the same effect, and amounted to about the same thing.

But a child, a baby! That was still one of the sensations. She would
venture very gingerly on that experiment. There was the man to
consider, and it was curious, there wasn't a man in the world whose
children you wanted. Mick's children! Repulsive thought! As lief have a
child to a rabbit! Tommy Dukes? he was very nice, but somehow you
couldn't associate him with a baby, another generation. He ended in
himself. And out of all the rest of Clifford's pretty wide
acquaintance, there was not a man who did not rouse her contempt, when
she' thought of having a child by him. There were several who would have
been quite possible as lover, even Mick. But to let them breed a child
on you! Ugh! Humiliation and abomination.

So that was that!

Nevertheless, Connie had the child at the back of her mind. Wait! wait!
She would sift the generations of men through her sieve, and see if she'
couldn't find one who would do.~ 'Go ye into the streets and by ways of
Jerusalem, and see if you can find a MAN.' It had been impossible to
find a man in the Jerusalem of the prophet, though there were thousands
of male humans. But a MAN! C'EST UNE AUTRE CHOSE!

She had an idea that he would have to be a foreigner: not an
Englishman, still less an Irishman. A real foreigner.

But wait! wait! Next winter she' would get Clifford to London; the
following winter she' would get him abroad to the South of France,
Italy. Wait! She was in no hurry about the child. That was her own
private affair, and the one point on which, in her own queer, female
way, she' was serious to the bottom of her soul. She was not going to
risk any chance comer, not she'! One might take a lover almost at any
moment, but a man who should beget a child on one.wait! wait! it's a
very different matter.~ 'Go ye into the streets and byways of
Jerusalem.' It was not a question of love; it was a question of a
MAN. Why, one might even rather hate him, personally. Yet if he was the
man, what would one's personal hate matter? This business concerned
another part of oneself.

It had rained as usual, and the paths were too sodden for Clifford's
chair, but Connie would go out. She went out alone every day now,
mostly in the wood, where she' was really alone. She saw nobody there.

This day, however, Clifford wanted to send a message to the keeper, and
as the boy was laid up with influenza, somebody always seemed to have
influenza at Wragby, Connie said she' would call at the cottage.

The air was soft and dead, as if all the world were slowly dying. Grey
and clammy and silent, even from the shuffling of the collieries, for
the pits were working short time, and today they were stopped
altogether. The end of all things!

In the wood all was utterly inert and motionless, only great drops fell
from the bare boughs, with a hollow little crash. For the rest, among
the old trees was depth within depth of grey, hopeless inertia,
silence, nothingness.

Connie walked dimly on. From the old wood came an ancient melancholy,
somehow soothing to her, better than the harsh insentience of the outer
world. She liked the INWARDNESS of the remnant of forest, the
unspeaking reticence of the old trees. They seemed a very power of
silence, and yet a vital presence. They, too, were waiting:
obstinately, stoically waiting, and giving off a potency of silence.
Perhaps they were only waiting for the end; to be cut down, cleared
away, the end of the forest, for them the end of all things. But
perhaps their strong and aristocratic silence, the silence of strong
trees, meant something else.

As she' came out of the wood on the north side, the keeper's cottage, a
rather dark, brown stone cottage, with gables and a handsome chimney,
looked uninhabited, it was so silent and alone. But a thread of smoke
rose from the chimney, and the little railed~ in garden in the front of
the house was dug and kept very tidy. The door was shut.

Now she' was here she' felt a little shy of the man, with his curious
far~ seeing eyes. She did not like bringing him orders, and felt like
going away again. She knocked softly, no one came. She knocked again,
but still not loudly. There was no answer. She peeped through the
window, and saw the dark little room, with its almost sinister privacy,
not wanting to be invaded.

She stood and listened, and it seemed to her she' heard sounds from the
back of the cottage. Having failed to make herself heard, her mettle
was roused, she' would not be defeated.

So she' went round the side of the house. At the back of the cottage the
land rose steeply, so the back yard was sunken, and enclosed by a low
stone wall. She turned the corner of the house and stopped. In the
little yard two paces beyond her, the man was washing himself, utterly
unaware. He was naked to the hips, his velveteen breeches slipping down
over his slender loins. And his white slim back was curved over a big
bowl of soapy water, in which he ducked his head, shaking his head with
a queer, quick little motion, lifting his slender white arms, and
pressing the soapy water from his ears, quick, subtle as a weasel
playing with water, and utterly alone. Connie backed away round the
corner of the house, and hurried away to the wood. In spite of herself,
she' had had a shock. After all, merely a man washing himself,
commonplace enough, Heaven knows!

Yet in some curious way it was a visionary experience: it had hit her
in the middle of the body. She saw the clumsy breeches slipping down
over the pure, delicate, white loins, the bones showing a little, and
the sense of aloneness, of a creature purely alone, overwhelmed her.
Perfect, white, solitary nudity of a creature that lives alone, and
inwardly alone. And beyond that, a certain beauty of a pure creature.
Not the stuff of beauty, not even the body of beauty, but a lambency,
the warm, white flame of a single life, revealing itself in contours
that one might touch: a body!

Connie had received the shock of vision in her womb, and she' knew it;
it lay inside her. But with her mind she' was inclined to ridicule. A
man washing himself in a back yard! No doubt with evil~ smelling yellow
soap! She was rather annoyed; why should she' be made to stumble on
these vulgar privacies?

So she' walked away from herself, but after a while she' sat down on a
stump. She was too confused to think. But in the coil of her confusion,
she' was determined to deliver her message to the fellow. She would not
be balked. She must give him time to dress himself, but not time to go
out. He was probably preparing to go out somewhere.

So she' sauntered slowly back, listening. As she' came near, the cottage
looked just the same. A dog barked, and she' knocked at the door, her
heart beating in spite of herself.

She heard the man coming lightly downstairs. He opened the door
quickly, and startled her. He looked uneasy himself, but instantly a
laugh came on his face.

'Lady Chatterley!' he said. 'Will you come in?'

His manner was so perfectly easy and good, she' stepped over the
threshold into the rather dreary little room.

'I only called with a message from Sir Clifford,' she' said in her soft,
rather breathless voice.

The man was looking at her with those blue, all~ seeing eyes of his,
which made her turn her face aside a little. He thought her comely,
almost beautiful, in her shyness, and he took command of the situation
himself at once.

'Would you care to sit down?' he asked, presuming she' would not. The
door stood open.

'No thanks! Sir Clifford wondered if you would and she' delivered her
message, looking unconsciously into his eyes again. And now his eyes
looked warm and kind, particularly to a woman, wonderfully warm, and
kind, and at ease.

'Very good, your Ladyship. I will see to it at once.'

Taking an order, his whole self had changed, glazed over with a sort of
hardness and distance. Connie hesitated, she' ought to go. But she'
looked round the clean, tidy, rather dreary little sitting~ room with
something like dismay.

'Do you live here quite alone?' she' asked.

'Quite alone, your Ladyship.'

'But your mother.?'

'She lives in her own cottage in the village.'

'With the child?' asked Connie.

'With the child!'

And his plain, rather worn face took on an indefinable look of
derision. It was a face that changed all the time, baffling.

'No,' he said, seeing Connie stand at a loss, 'my mother comes and
cleans up for me on Saturdays; I do the rest myself.'

Again Connie looked at him. His eyes were smiling again, a little
mockingly, but warm and blue, and somehow kind. She wondered at him. He
was in trousers and flannel shirt and a grey tie, his hair soft and
damp, his face rather pale and worn~ looking. When the eyes ceased to
laugh they looked as if they had suffered a great deal, still without
losing their warmth. But a pallor of isolation came over him, she' was
not really there for him.

She wanted to say so many things, and she' said nothing. Only she' looked
up at him again, and remarked:

'I hope I didn't disturb you?'

The faint smile of mockery narrowed his eyes.

'Only combing my hair, if you don't mind. I'm sorry I hadn't a coat on,
but then I had no idea who was knocking. Nobody knocks here, and the
unexpected sounds ominous.'

He went in front of her down the garden path to hold the gate. In his
shirt, without the clumsy velveteen coat, she' saw again how slender he
was, thin, stooping a little. Yet, as she' passed him, there was
something young and bright in his fair hair, and his quick eyes. He
would be a man about thirty~ seven or eight.

She plodded on into the wood, knowing he was looking after her; he
upset her so much, in spite of herself.

And he, as he went indoors, was thinking: 'She's nice, she''s real!
She's nicer than she' knows.'

She wondered very much about him; he seemed so unlike a game~ keeper, so
unlike a working~ man anyhow; although he had something in common with
the local people. But also something very uncommon.

'The game~ keeper, Mellors, is a curious kind of person,' she' said to
Clifford; 'he might almost be a gentleman.'

'Might he?' said Clifford. 'I hadn't noticed.'

'But isn't there something special about him?' Connie insisted.

'I think he's quite a nice fellow, but I know very little about him. He
only came out of the army last year, less than a year ago. From India,
I rather think. He may have picked up certain tricks out there, perhaps
he was an officer's servant, and improved on his position. Some of the
men were like that. But it does them no good, they have to fall back
into their old places when they get home again.'

Connie gazed at Clifford contemplatively. She saw in him the peculiar
tight rebuff against anyone of the lower classes who might be really
climbing up, which she' knew was characteristic of his breed.

'But don't you think there is something special about him?' she' asked.

'Frankly, no! Nothing I had noticed.'

He looked at her curiously, uneasily, half~ suspiciously. And she' felt
he wasn't telling her the real truth; he wasn't telling himself the
real truth, that was it. He disliked any suggestion of a really
exceptional human being. People must be more or less at his level, or
below it.

Connie felt again the tightness, niggardliness of the men of her
generation. They were so tight, so scared of life!

 
 
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